Universal Hasbro to make movies out of board games

Universal, Hasbro to make movies out of board games

In perhaps the most mind-numbing announcement of all time, Universal Pictures is going to make movies out of such delighted games as Battleship, Monopoly, and Candy Land. Movies. Out of board games. Board games with little to no plot. God help us.

I can't fathom this story or understand it at all. How are these being made into movies?

So read this and weep. Universal has bought the rights to make a movie out of any of the Hasbro branded games. They'll make four films out of the series and--try to wrap your head around this--Ridley Scott is going to make a Monopoly movie.

Let me repeat that. Ridley Scott, the man who directed American Gangster, Gladiator, and Hannibal, will be adapting the Monopoly board game into a movie.

I was going to write up what I thought the potential plots would be for these films, but Mark over at I Watch Stuff has already done it far better than I could:

Ouija - A group of gullible teenagers attribute a string of recent murders to a ghost, only to find out it was just their asshole friend doing it. (Note: This should be made in Asia first, then remade here.)

Clue - A wealthy mansion-owner invites a group of similarly affluent guests over to watch Clue.

Battleship - A hotshot naval commander attempts a daring new formation of lining up his fleet in a row along the border. This fails, but the young leader still finds victory after the enemy can't find his fucking destroyer.

Monopoly - A light-hearted gathering erupts in argument; the film ends abruptly.

Stretch Armstrong - This movie (and toy) should never be made, but will star Jim Carrey and a lot of low-budget CGI.

Candy Land - A band of outcast teenagers find themselves in a colorful, candy-coated world where their movements are dictated by color. It turns out they're just really, really high.

Magic: The Gathering - An exciting battle between a powerful orc shaman and a dwarf paladin suddenly becomes dull when someone realizes it's a card game.

I particularly like the synopsis for Battleship, Monopoly, and Magic. Here's to hoping that someone at Universal has a sense of humor about this nonsense.

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Comments (16)

	rockinponda: 02/21/2008 3:56 PM Hmm, seems like Universal wants to try out something like what Disney did with turning its rides into movies. And I thought those would be god-awful, but Pirates was pretty cool. I never bothered seeing Haunted Mansion, or that one about the country bears, so who knows.... Very funny plot ideas! I liked the one for Clue best :)
	yashiyama: 02/21/2008 3:57 PM O.O Ridley Scott? Monopoly? I'm scared...
	"I enjoy the way Carlton dances.": 02/21/2008 4:13 PM See, it all boils down to wanting to distract children and take their parents money. [cynic much?] Nobody wins in situations like this, not the parents, not the filmakers, definately not the kids. Gah.... It's like this ultimate plot to make kids grow up to be uneducated idiots who let THEIR kids spend money on bullshit like this. Maybe that's just m eover thinking it. But probably not.
	ignatz: 02/21/2008 4:23 PM The potential for cereal-based entertainment remains untapped. Depp would make a fine Count Chocula.
	little3wing: 02/21/2008 4:43 PM Oh God. Actually, Clue has already been done. In the 80's, I think.
	Chopstixfour11: 02/21/2008 4:51 PM little3wing said: Oh God. Actually, Clue has already been done. In the 80's, I think. Indeed. That's why for Clue, the plot talks about watching Clue. I love how the latest generation of children are moving from playing board games to just watching them. Take all possible work and thought process out of purchasing the boardwalk and killing Mrs. Scarlet with the candle stick. Yay technology.
	deathbysupression: 02/21/2008 5:23 PM my personal thought on this is that they're running out of orginal ideas for movies so their turning to other sources: books, board games, etc.
	Trashcat Bailey: 02/21/2008 5:37 PM good grief. i've heard of writer's block, but board games?
	Ikky-ikky-arriba!: 02/21/2008 9:01 PM Actually CLue could potentially be an interesting movie. And Monoploly could work if they had say John Cleese play the tycoon monopoly man like in Rat Race. But srsly. Bottom of the barrel people.
	Blair Waldorf: 02/21/2008 10:55 PM Clue would be a good movie. But I prefer my Battle ship as game. With no plot.
	cheerfulxdarkness: 02/23/2008 2:38 PM omg candy land movie! "holy shit watch out for the giant explosive twizzler!" "gah! I'll use my chocolate machine gun that shoots gumdrops!" i can't wait........
	latenightriot: 03/05/2008 7:45 PM One Word, WOW. Has the movie industry really stooped as low as to make movies out of board games, like Monopoly!? That's sad. "Clue" would probably be the best out of - What am I thinking? I can't even imagine how these movie are going to turn out. WOW.
	Jai: 03/06/2008 10:20 AM xblanksface said: I myself think that all of those possible plot summaries are hillarious, but should never, ever be put into action. Except for Ouija, which of course also needs to be made in Asia and then remade in the U.S.
	Buzznet's Official New Age Amazon: 03/06/2008 10:22 AM jayv said: Except for Ouija, which of course also needs to be made in Asia and then remade in the U.S. Will the American remake involve a semi-talented but generally overrated starlet in the leading role? Wait, what am I saying? OF COURSE it will.
	markduke: 03/21/2008 6:35 PM a Monopoly moive what is it gona be like this * STOP GO BACK 3 SPACES * lol
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