God, Please Save These Troubled States

I was supposed to write about Bible slash. About finding yourself in a fan fic. (I know 4 people who have!) And I was going to make you guys laugh instead of flinching.

But I can't anymore. Ever again. Because I found this:

Slashfic between George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, and Condoleeza Rice.

• “Well Diddly-Do, what are we going to do with you?” George arched his lap up, expressing his preference. Donald hit the intercom button.
  
  “Grace, could you send Cheney in?” He reached under Bush’s shirt and teased across the nipple. “In the mean time, let’s do our Drill."

• “Good Boy. That deserves a little extra.” Rumsfeld licked under George’s ear.

• Karl heaved the Vice President across the giant desk, leaving him sprawled face down across files and ‘eyes onlys’ his legs dangling in space. Cheney’s cheeks flopped helplessly against the wood, reminisent of a goldfish drowning in air. Easily distracted, Bush slid off of Rumsfeld’s lap and began kneading the fleshy orbs of Cheney’s ass.

• George was already fumbling with his pants, pulling pokey free when Karl caught his wrist.
  
  “Lube, Georgie. Or you’ll spend the next week kissing it better”

We can only imagine what they're talking about.

I'm done. Right off the bat, this is too much for me. If I haven't suffered from a brain aneurysm, there'll be a new post tomorrow.