God, Please Save These Troubled States

Karen should be here at my place with Audrey Kitching any minute now.

I'll soon be off to the kick-off date of the Warped Tour: Sunny Pomona.

Come say hi. Meet the Buzznet crew near the AP tent around 1:30PM. I'll be the dork in the Good Riddance shirt.

Blogging shall resume tomorrow morning, though!

Just so you know:

Buzznet is currently upgrading our video system. For the time being, when you upload a video, there will be a delay before all of your friends can see it. Don't worry; the video will not be lost in any sort of internet black hole. You'll still be able to see what you uploaded. We know that this sucks a great deal, but fear not. Our video player shall return in a more glorious form!

Just wanted to update y'all! Message me if you have any questions!

Mark

R&B singer/terrible actor Tyrese made the following statement about his upcoming tour with Ginuwine and Tank:

• We're putting a ban on all dudes from coming to the show." Actor/singer Tyrese is hoping his upcoming "Shirts Off," tour with R&B stars Ginuwine and Tank is strictly for the ladies.

He actually wishes to prevent men from coming to his shows.

Surprised? You shouldn't be, as Tyrese has a history of being virulently anti-gay.

He made fun of a guy who caught a sweaty of towel of his at a Hollywood House of Blues show. I've heard that a great way to gain the respect of your fans is to berate them for being excited to see you. Really. I did.

Mika Brzezinski tore up the notes to the lead story on The Morning Joe Show yesterday in protest to the network's decision to place the Paris Hilton release story as the lead.

It's a rare bout with journalistic integrity and, while it may only be a start, it's refreshing to watch someone attempt to burn up a story about the hotel heiress live on-the-air. Her co-anchors also give her quite the flak for speaking her mind.

The second part of the video is even more infuriating. Check it out!

I laughed so loudly. Lovely.


xkcd is my saviour. xkcd died for my sins.

The American Medical Association announced this morning that they were not ready to call excessive video gaming a "psychiatric addiction." (That's fancy talk for a real addiction.) Apparently, they need to study the issue.

Are they serious? Clearly, the AMA has not studied the following games:



Shall I continue? I think you get the picture.

As blatantly racist and idiotic as that sounds, some douche actually said that. Out loud.

On a radio show that reaches thousands of thousands of people.

Neal Boortz, everybody.

Ah, the beloved talk show host. On his June 21st edition of his nationally-syndicated radio show, he said the following:

• I already have received at least one brilliant email today about the immigration problem, because apparently out on the West Coast they're having a problem -- they're having some demonstrations over the disposal of nuclear waste. You know how the left loves to -- "Ah, you're poisoning." This person sent me an email, said when -- when we defeat this illegal alien amnesty bill and when we yank out the welcome mat and they all start going back to Mexico, as a going-away gift let's all give them a box of nuclear waste. Give 'em all a little nuclear waste and let 'em take it on down there to Mexico. Tell 'em it can -- it'll heat tortillas. Or something like that. You see, folks, you need to take a problem like this, and you can combine several problems and come up with solutions just by combining them, can't you? I love it. I love it. OK, go home. Here is a lovely parting gift. A home tortilla warmer.

Holy.
Goddamn.
Hell.

And, from his June 18th broadcast:

• I mean, it's clear. There is no intent to shut the border down. None. If there was, they [Congress] would do what the American people want them to do: pass a law, appropriate the money, and fund it -- to build a double fence along the Mexican border, and stop the damn invasion. I don't care if Mexicans pile up against that fence like tumbleweeds in the Santa Ana winds in Southern California. Let 'em. You know, then just run a couple of taco trucks up and down the line, and somebody's gonna be a millionaire out of that. But there's no intent in this -- what, taco truck -- OK -- I gotta -- I gotta tell you why that's a -- back in a moment.

I'd like to point out that Boortz is talking about human beings, but any sensible person would know that; however, it appears Boortz doesn't care.

Why? Why is this kind of racist drivel allowed on the air? It's not even slightly racist or a subtle, snide comment. It's flat out racism.

Sigh.

...is a complete bust.

I was editing it in iMovie, adding an opening title and some music over it. And my computer stripped the original file of all its sound.

LJK;ASDFKL;908342908432#$%@%$#%$5

Man, I was totally excited to share it with you. I deleted the back up because I'm stupid.

Tomorrow, I'll make it up to you.

But the student has to find out about it from a goddamn press release.

So much for sincerity, right?

If you recall, I wrote about a particularly frustrating incident in Newark, New Jersey, in which the local superintendent had a picture of two male students kissing blacked out of every yearbook. She felt the image was "innappropriate" and overtly sexual, due to the position they were in.

Again:

Yep. I cannot hold back my raging hormones when I see that.

To make matters worse, no photos of heterosexual couples were blacked out.

I'd like to think the firestorm of fury from the progressive blogs were what caused the superintendent to issue the following apology:

• The Newark School District Monday said that it had made a mistake when it censored a photograph of a gay kiss in the 2007 yearbook at East Side High School.

  In a statement the district said that Superintendent Marion A. Bolden has apologized to student Andre Jackson, 18, and would reissue an "un-redacted version'' of the yearbook to any student at the school who wants one.

  "Superintendent Marion A. Bolden personally apologizes to Mr. Jackson and regrets and embarrassment and unwanted attention the matter has brought to him,'' according to the statement.

Again, you can't even apologize to your own student in person? That doesn't count, asshole.

SO TRUE!


xkcd: Read it. Live it. Love it.

WHY
WHY
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS ALLOWED TO BE IN ANY POSITION OF AUTHORITY????

Marion Bolden, the Superintendent of Schools in Newark, New Jersey, ordered this high-school yearbook photo to be blacked out with a permanent marker before it was handed out to students:

Her reasoning?

• Newark Superintendent of Schools Marion Bolden called the photograph "illicit" and ordered it blacked out of the $85 yearbook before it was distributed to students at a banquet for graduating seniors Thursday.

  "It looked provocative," she said. "If it was either heterosexual or gay, it should have been blacked out. It's how they posed for the picture."

  Russell Garris, the assistant superintendent who oversees the city's high schools, brought the photograph to Bolden's attention Thursday afternoon. He was concerned the picture would be controversial and upsetting to parents, Bolden said.

  There are several photos of heterosexual couples kissing in the yearbook, but the superintendent said she didn't review the entire yearbook and was presented only with Jackson's page.

FH;KLAJSADSFHASDFHL;KJ
ASLKFDJASDJKL
!!!!!!!!!!@#$%^$%#^%&$&^*@$%#

COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT.

Not only is this completely ludicrous, but it's actually against New Jersey law. ("In the Garden State it is illegal to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression...")

Do something about this NOW.

A US Supreme Court decision early this morning ruled in favor of a school suppressing "free speech" that advocates or promotes illegal drug use.

Let's break this down:

Back in January 2002, the Olypmic Torch was passing through Juneau, Alaska, specifically in front of a certain high school. (The high school is unnamed in the article.) Joseph Frederick thought it would be hilarious to get on TV as the torch passed by his school. So he stood across the street holding a banner that read, "Bong Hits 4 Jesus."

I wish that was bigger.

Anyway, the principal destroyed the sign and Joseph was suspended for 10 days.

This morning, a split-court voted in favor of the school.

• The majority opinion written by Chief Justice John Roberts said the court agreed with Morse that those who viewed the banner would interpret it as advocating or promoting illegal drug use, in violation of school policy.

  Roberts, who was appointed to the court by President George W. Bush, said a principal may, consistent with the First Amendment, restrict student speech at a school event when it is reasonably viewed as promoting illegal drug use.

So what do you think?

xkcd is quite glorious today, as it always is.

Lest you want to fly with a bunch of poo.

I have nothing more to add to this.

I plan on continuing this very often in the future. Which is unfortunate.

Our first submission for the history books is Florida's Representative for the House, D. Alan Hayes.

• Two nurses and a regional manager from Positive Healthcare, an affiliate of the international nonprofit AIDS Healthcare Foundation, say Hays leaned across his desk during the Wednesday meeting and said his cousin was "as queer as a three-dollar bill" and "had that homosexual lifestyle and deserved what he got."

D. Alan Hayes, your position should be revoked. You don't belong in any position to open your mouth.

It seems like an obvious answer, but over at WorldNetDaily, the world's most ignorant website ever, they seem to think otherwise:



Really? You're serious?

Officials at Eastern Michigan University fail to tell students and victim's parents about how Laura Dickinson died:

She was raped and then murdered.

At Cal State Long Beach, a monthly newsletter was published that always posted crime statisitics: How many robberies, break-ins, violent crimes, arrests, etc. This is in compliance with the Clery Act, "a federal statute enacted in 1990 that requires all colleges and universities receiving federal aid to record and disclose information about crime on and near their respective campuses."

And yet, Eastern Michigan University let everyone believe that Laura Dickinson had died of natural causes.

Completely disgusting.

 Using his veto power for the third time during his tenure as president, President Bush just vetoed the stem cell bill.

I'm not surprised (just angered), but I need to point this out:

• "Our innovative spirit is making possible incredible advances in medicine that can save lives and cure diseases," the president told an invited audience in the East Room. "America is also a nation founded on the principle that all human life is sacred. And our conscience calls us to pursue the possibilities of science in a manner that respects human dignity and upholds our moral values."

Is that human life also sacred when you contribute to the invasion of a nation on immoral grounds?

Ah, that's right; human life is only sacred when it benefits you most.

I guess I would expect anyone BUT Hallmark to make a product at the expense of homosexuals. Aren't their cards all happy and accepting and unicorn-y?

But, as reported by Gay.com (I found it on Shakesville), Hallmark had the following Father's Day card:

• The cover of the Father's Day card featured a photo of an idyllic, upscale picnic spread: plaid blanket, wicker basket, a bottle of wine and two glasses, a round of bread, a fruit plate. Above the photo, the card read, "Dad, how about a Father's Day picnic?" The punch line inside: "Too queer? Yeah, I thought so too."

I won't lie. I initially laughed when I read that. That's not real, right? It's absurd.

Yikes. It was very real.

This is fun. My blog rating:

AWESOME. This rating was determined based on the following word usage:

• gay (20x)
• fucking (6x)
• shitty (4x)
• shit (3x)
• asshole (2x)
• bitch (1x)

Hm. I've said worse. And I swear I've used the "F" word way more than that.

Your turn! Share with me.

The Vatican released an additional set of 10 Commandments: "The Driver's 10 Commandments."

I'm aghast at the stupidity this demonstrates.

Shall we press on? We shall.

• The Vatican on Tuesday issued a set of "Ten Commandments" for drivers, telling motorists not to kill, not to drink and drive, and to help fellow travelers in case of accidents. An unusual document from the Vatican's office for migrants and itinerant people also warned that cars can be "an occasion of sin" — particularly when they are used for dangerous passing or for prostitution.

OHMYHOLYHELL. Is this for real???????

• It warned about the effects of road rage, saying driving can bring out "primitive" behavior in motorists, including "impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, blasphemy, loss of sense of responsibility or deliberate infringement of the highway code."

  It urged motorists to obey traffic regulations, drive with a moral sense, and to pray when behind the wheel.

It is real. This is absurd. This reads like an article in The Onion.

• Cardinal Renato Martino, who heads the office, told a news conference that the Vatican felt it necessary to address the pastoral needs of motorists because driving had become such a big part of contemporary life.

  He noted that the Bible was full of people on the move, including Mary and Joseph, the parents of Jesus — and that his office is tasked with dealing with all "itinerant" people — including refugees, prostitutes, truck drivers and the homeless.

  "We know that as a consequence of transgressions and negligence, 1.2 million people die each year on the roads," Martino said. "That's a sad reality, and at the same time, a great challenge for society and the church."

I can't handle this anymore. My mind can't wrap around how ridiculous this is.

First off, where does the church get the authority to edit the Ten Commandments? I know I'm not the most religious person in the world, but I'm not an idiot. You can't just add commandments, can you? Right????

For your amusement/scrutiny, I give you the second set of Ten Commandments:

1. You shall not kill.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

10. Feel responsible toward others.

THIS IS REAL!!!!!!

Let's start with #1: You shall not kill.

Ok, that's an easy one. But shouldn't this be coined with, "...in a car?" I mean, if you're going to add 10 more commandments, you can't just repeat one. That's cheating.

#2: The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm. This simply doesn't make sense.  A means of communion and not a means of mortal harm? Who uses the road to "commune" with other people? I don't know about you, but I generally use it to get from point A to point B. Somedays, there's also a point C and a point D. But what is a "communion...of mortal harm"?????

#3: Courtesy, uprightness, and prudence will help you deal with unforseen events. The guy who wrote this has obviously never driven in Southern California. (Specifically, San Pedro, Long Beach, Huntington Beach, or Riverside. And all of Orange County.) He has never experience the lifted Bro-mobile.

When one of these fuckers creeps up on you, you don't want to be courteous. Nay, you shall NOT be courteous. It is commanded! These assholes don't deserve to drive cars.

#4: Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents. Ok, I won't disagree with that. Move along.

#5: Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin. HA. The Vatican just admonished every sports car ever made. And lifted trucks! And racing cars. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA FREEWAYS WOULD BE EMPTY.

Maybe these commandments aren't so bad.

#6: Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so. I take that back. What the hell does this mean? Designated driver? Tell someone they're too old or too young to drive and then drive them yourself?

#7: Support the families of accident victims. Well, fuck, do you even have to tell us this? Why don't you send these commandments to insurance companies instead of us?

#8: Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

No comment.

#9: On the road, protect the more vulnerable party. HUH? Protect them? How do you know who is more vulnerable? The older driver? The one with the shittier car? And how do you protect them?

I could only imagine the complications this would cause:

"Officer, officer, he's been following me for the last 25 minutes!"

"Ma'am, I wasn't following you. I was following Commandment 9.2 and protecting the more vulnerable party."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#10: Feel responsible toward others. Feel responsible? How about BE RESPONSIBLE? That's more fitting.

I try to avoid making blanket statements about Christians, because it's not fair, but I'm not surprised a Christian would be so stupid (well-meaning, but stupid) to think of such nonsense. You know why?

Because not once, not even once, does the author of these "commandments" suggest that perhaps people should STOP FUCKING DRIVING. STOP CLOGGING OUR STREETS WITH THOSE HIDEOUS PIECES OF STEEL AND PLASTIC. RIDE A BIKE. TAKE A WALK. TAKE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. STOP POLLUTING THE AIR BECAUSE YOU'RE LAZY.

Sigh. I'm done.

Really. This analogy on likes those that are just like it.



Remember. Your AIM is never safe with me.

Thank you, Kathryn. You are a hero.

Impeach him now. This is too much:

He must be sooooooo annoying. Throwing toys, whining, hitting on other toddlers. Just embarrassing! Has he no decency?


PS: WHO THE FUCK ACTUALLY EATS AT APPLEBEES?

Yikes. I can't even imagine how terrifying it would be to see a drag racer plowing towards you.

This story was all over the news this morning while I was at the gym. I normally don't write about things where I feel like I can't make some sort of statement, whether it's positive, negative, serious, or completely silly. But I truly don't know how to feel about this.

It's obvious that it was an accident; I've seen cars do burnouts hundreds of times. (Come on. I live in Southern California.) However, I don't really understand why there wasn't, at the very least, a concrete barrier, or some sort of guardrail, down the length of the track.

The local law enforcement agency isn't charging anyone, but I think it brings up an excellent question:

Three National Guardsmen in charge of protecting our border with Mexico have been arrested.

For helping illegal immigrants cross into the US. For $3,500 a trip.

Again, it just goes to show that illegal immigrants are the scourge of the earth. That is, until someone else can benefit from them.

Tomorrow, Radiohead's "OK Computer" turns 10 years old. (I feel dated, now.)



Undoubtedly influencing an entire decade of musicians, as welling as garnering flowing critical praises since it was first released on June 16, 1997, it's my favorite Radiohead release.

What memories do you have of this album? And how many million times have you listened to "Exit Music (For A Film)"? (Answer: Like 20. Seriously.)

Honestly, if you're not reading xkcd already, there is something wrong with you.

Enjoy:



Pure. Joy.

I do. I wonder how people can be so hateful and stupid at the same time and then being completely oblivious to that fact.

(Be forewarned. This is probably going to be a long rant.)

Let's first start with Peter LaBarbera, who is the source of this...garbage. (Sorry. That's what it is.) Peter is the president of Americans for Truth. From the group's explanation:

• Welcome to Americans for Truth, a newly reorganized national organization devoted exclusively to exposing and countering the homosexual activist agenda.

This is gonna be fun, I tell you. SO FUN. Grab a bowl of popcorn, gather the kids, and be prepared for a wild ride!

Yesterday, LaBarbera sent out an email blast to his followers. It urged his fellow ignorami (I made that up right now) to sign a petition addressed to Congress and the House of Representatives. This petition would protest the current Employment Non-Discrimination Act. (ENDA.) This bill would extend current federal employment discrimination protections to cover sexual orientation and gender identity. Sound great, right?

Peter obviously doesn't think so. And he wrote a rather interesting email to boot!

Shall we?

• If passed, how would this vile law work?
  
  -Simply put, ENDA would force employers with deeply held religious beliefs to hire people they know are committing acts that they consider immoral -- and to hire them precisely BECAUSE they are committing these acts.
  
  -The Boy Scouts will be forced to hire homosexual Scoutmasters -- even those who flaunt their perverse and obscene appetites!
  
  -Day-care facilities, adoption agencies and Christian schools will likewise be investigated and targeted for federal prosecution if found to be "discriminating."

Oh lordy. This is real, folks!

The general theme that Peter seems to "understand" about this law is that it's a form of affirmative action, but for homosexuals. Clearly, he can't read. The bill simply will add "sexual orientation" and "gender" identity to the list of things an employer can't discriminate against a potential (or current) employee with.

Why? Why wouldn't you want that? Because you think homosexuality is immoral? Well, guess what, Peter? Every person you hire has committed an immoral act! They've probably lied. Stolen. Judged someone. Coveted thy neighbor, blah blah blah. So why pick on the homosexuals? What makes their sin so bad?

NO ONE WILL BE FORCED TO HIRE GAY PEOPLE. The bill is incredibly explicit in it's position that this bill will NOT force employers to meet some sort of gay quota. In fact:

• Is there a religious or small business exemption?

  Yes, there are both.  Businesses of 15 people or less are exempt from ENDA.  The bill also states that religious corporations, associations, educational institutions or societies are still able to give preference in employment to members of a particular religion.  It reinforces the idea that applicants and employees of a religious organization may be required to conform to the teachings and tenets of that faith.

LOOK! THEY EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THIS!

But let's get to the text of your petition. That's where the best stuff is:

• Consider the following scenario.  For years, Mom and Dad -- church-going Bible-believers -- have operated a candy store on the corner of Main and Reagan. After school and on Saturdays, the place is swarming with children and their parents. When they advertise for a clerk, the leader of the local "gay rights" movement applies for the job. He tells Mom and Dad: "You're Christian bigots and if you don't hire me, I'll haul you into court." Mom and Dad have three choices: They can hire him, knowing that when they do, the children will stop coming around, and count the days until they lose their business. They can fight him in court, spend thousands of dollars in legal fees with no hope of winning. and count the days until they go out of business They can decide NOT to count the days and simply take the shingle down and go out of business the next day.

First off, I had to laugh at his choice of "Main" and "Reagan." Nice touch.

I already addressed that this bill will NOT force people to hire gay people. The local activist cann't threaten anyone with a lawsuit if he is not hired; he is only protected if he believes he has been discriminated against solely on the fact that he is a homosexual.

And wait.....why will the children stop coming around? How the hell did he get to that point? Because kids don't like gay people? Slippery slopes don't work, Peter.

But beyond that, I have two main problems with his logic. First of all, this will not give homosexuals any special preferences. If they break company code by having sexually explicit conversations or by being a shitty worker, you can still fire them. (Just like any other employee!)

The worst part about all of this (and the most frightening) is that Peter LaBarbera and all the fools who believe his line of thinking truly are convinced that their religious freedom overpowers everyone else's rights. That is baffling.

I know I'm not religious. But I certainly wouldn't ever want to live in a nation that would prevent someone else from being Christian. Or Muslim. Or Buddhist.

Peter LaBarbera, however, would love it if I was denied my chance to be happy here in the United States. How very Christian of him.

This story is so alternately terrifying and depressing.

A mentally disabled man serving a 4 month jail sentence for misdemeanor trespassing was deported to Mexico because someone said he wasn't a citizen.

Yeah. The Sherriff's Department here in LA didn't even bother to verify the statement.

Pedro Guzman, who suffers from a developmental disability, can't read, write, gets lost easily, and is prone to suggestion. And our fine Department of Homeland Security, in conjunction with the Sherriff's Department, just dropped him in the middle of Tijuana last month.

He's lost. No one can find him.

It's this type of laziness and willingness to deport people that angers me. Why wasn't anyone made aware of his mental condition? AND WHY DID THEY JUST LISTEN TO HEARSAY AND DEPORT HIM?

How fucking depressing.

Sigh. And someone just recently told me that there's no need for gay activism because America already accepts homosexuality.

Really? You mean that?

Two 14 year old girls, who were kissing and being affectionate on a Portland, Oregon bus, were kicked off after someone complained. And also after the driver called them "sickos."

Why is this significant?

• A spokesperson for Trimet said that it is against policy to kick minors or "vulnerable persons" off a bus.

Beyond that, this is a clear example of discrimination. As Pam's Houseblend notes, people are affectionate on public transportation all the time. I think a day doesn't go by that I personally don't see a couple kissing on the bus or subway; 95% of the time, they're straight.

However, I must say this: Why are you kissing on a bus? So many gross germs. Ew.

I have goosebumps too. We are so gloriously fucked, it's not even funny.

The Army admitted today that it secretly dumped 64 million pounds of nerve and mustard agents into the sea, along with 400,000 chemical-filled bombs, land mines and rockets and more than 500 tons of radioactive waste - either tossed overboard or packed into the holds of scuttled vessels.”

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

What.
The.
Fuck.

As always, I don't make this shit up.

Now, I've seen small dogs, cats, ducks, and other assorted animals that have been so goddamn cute that I have to fight the desire to dropkick them across a room.

But what the hell??? WHY ARE YOU A VET IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE A TINY FUCKING CHIHUAHUA????????

What an asshole.

I'd like to think that I routinely blog about the inherent hypocrisy I see in mainstream politics. I'd also like to think that I like to expose people's bias towards "alternate" forms of sexual orientation. Even further, I don't think I'm going out on a limb to say that it's obvious that I care about gay rights. (And transgender rights too!)

So when I read that an activist and the webmaster for Tom Tancredo's campaign, who is currently going through the coming-out process, is actually acting against his own interest, my head is mere seconds from imploding.

Let me elaborate. Tyler Whitney works for Tom Tancredo. Tyler is gay.

But I'll back up. This is where Tom Tancredo stands on the "issues" affecting our nation. (All of this is taken from his website.)

• Immigration: Illegal aliens threaten our economy and undermine our culture. While our brave soldiers risk their lives to protect us overseas, our political elites lack the courage to defend us at home. I am 100% opposed to amnesty. As President, I will secure our borders so illegal aliens do not come, and I will eliminate benefits and job prospects so they do not stay.

That's fun, reasonable, and definitely isn't akin to economic suicide.

• Taxes: A growing chorus of economists and experts argue, and I agree, that the current income tax system is complex and unfair and should be replaced by a flat tax or national sales tax. Simplifying the process would dramatically reduce the costs of compliance, make American companies more competitive, and put billions back into the economy by encouraging investment.

Again. He appears to show a complete lack of knowledge in economics. A flat tax? You're kidding me, right?

Getting on to the good stuff:

• Gay Marriage: Federalism concerns make a constitutional amendment protecting traditional marriage an avenue of last resort, Unfortunately, intellectually dishonest activist judges have left us no choice.
  
  Activist courts have ignored the principal legal argument that the state's interest in marriage is procreation. Population is power. Society needs a young generation to defend the country in battle, to support its programs with taxes and to carry on its culture and traditions. The mere fact that two people are in a loving relationship does not matter to the state. Society supports traditional marriage because it is the only union which, in the ordinary course, leads to children, without the intervention of a third party.

He actually believes that! He actually thinks allowing gay marriage will somehow convince more people to become gay, which, in turn, will curb population growth!  ;ljkadsfjlasdfJISADF;ADSF;!!!!

HILARIOUS!

Anyway, what does this have to do with Tyler Whitney, Tancredo's gay staffer?

Beyond the obvious (Why would a gay man support someone who views homosexuality as a disease and a population killer?), Pam's Houseblend (quoting Between The Lines, Michigan's Gay Paper) is reporting that Tyler Whitney has actually protested against himself.

What?

• In addition to his ties to Tancredo, Whitney is closely associated with Kyle Bristow, the leader of the Young Americans for Freedom MSU chapter, now officially listed as a hate group. Bristow has opined that if he had a gay son he would kill him, and that homosexuals should be in prison.

  Whitney is also pictured in a Nov. 20 protest holding a sign which reads "Go back in the closet." The protest was against a proposed comprehensive human rights ordinance in the city of Lansing, an ordinance that was later adopted by a unanimous vote of the City Council.

afgdsasdfweasdfadsf

I want to be furious. But you're only 18, Tyler. Maybe, while you're going through this deeply personal experience, you shouldn't be on the front lines of the anti-gay movement (or working for a candidate who received a zero rating from the Human Rights Campaign).

I'm just saying. It makes you look like a fool. And a hypocrite. And an asshole. And the American public doesn't like fools! (Need I post the Almighty Pie Chart again?)

I should keep track! Numbers are fun.

I've already told you many times to stay far, far, far, far away from John McCain. And both Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani.

Moving on! Sam Brownback is on the table next. To be dissected by me, that is!

This past weekend, Brownback made an appearance at the National Catholic Men's Conference. At this conference, he decided it's perfectly all right for him to simply make up statistics. No, really.

• Brownback also talked about keeping marriage between a man and a woman, saying nations that have allowed same-sex marriages were engaging in bad social experiments, with bad results.

  He also encouraged married couples to stay together, saying studies have shown that if couples weather hard times for five years, their marriages tend to last. After five years, "people are happier than those who have had a divorce," Brownback said.

  It was not clear what research he was citing.

Obviously. It's because he wasn't citing any research at all. Brownback likes to make shit up to serve his own interest.

I suppose I could do the same:

According to market research, 98% of all Americans don't want a goddman fool to be president.

No, really. They do. Look:



It's true. I made a pie chart that proves it.  

And I have never been so joyous about a court decision in my whole life.

A federal appeals court (made up of conservatives!!!!!) ruled that it is unlawful (and unconstitutional) for the Military Commissions Act to deny any US citizen their constitutional rights, even if President Bush deems them an "enemy combatant."

OH HOLY HELL. JUSTICE MIGHT ACTUALLY EXIST!!!! Someone actually cares about our Constitution.

• "Put simply, the Constitution does not allow the President to order the military to seize civilians residing within the United States and then detain them indefinitely without criminal process, and this is so even if he calls them 'enemy combatants,'" the court said.

  Such detention "would have disastrous consequences for the Constitution — and the country," Judge Diana G. Motz wrote in the majority opinion.

THIS RULES!

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD. DO NOT READ IF YOU DID NOT WATCH LAST NIGHT'S SERIES FINALE OF THE SOPRANOS.



I'm torn between thinking that the last episode of The Sopranos ever was a complete work of genius or the most horrific cop-out I've ever seen.

The more and more I think about how it just "ended" (literally), the more I like it. Maybe it is a cop-out, but would we really have liked it more to watch him die? The pieces were all there, in place; any number of things could have killed him.

Anyway, discuss. And is there really going to be a movie?

Seriously. It just sounds so much more...sinister. Instead of going to war with Iran, we should just place a pox upon their house.

Oh wait. We don't do that because it's nothing but a bunch of superstitious nonsense. However, as absurd as that notion may seem, when a super-extreme religious group places a curse on anyone attending a gay pride parade in Jerusalem, maybe I shouldn't discount it so quickly.

A curse. I don't believe that part and I doubt I ever will. It's rhetorical garbage, as far as I'm concerned. But the fact that the Edah Haredit, an "extreme body," has placed a "curse by the Orthodox Righteous Court of Law" on all those involved with the upcoming Pride parade is disturbing. Especially when they refuse to commit to non-violence.

Yikes.

That was an act? Fooled me.

As I posted yesterday, I spent most of the day at Webster Middle School in West LA, presenting to groups of 7th and 8th graders about my "career" here at Buzznet. I decided to participate in the event not just because my brother asked me to, but because I wanted to let kids know about the options they have to work in after they're done with school. And that is possible for a social misfit to support himself without leeching off his parents.

I posted yesterday's blog just after the first presentation. My second one was fun and I was impressed at how bright my brother's students are.

But I'll just jump right to the interesting part. I learned, first-hand, that I am the most unprofessional human being on the planet. And I'm perfectly fine with that.

At 9:30, I was told that I had to meet the event organizer in the school's library; my first two presentations were just to my brother's class. I had to present to 4 other sets of classes in 23 minute increments. (I would stay in the same class while the students would switch out.)

I walk out to the library, where I attempt to sign in. I discover that someone has already signed in for me, with the handwriting of a 3rd grader. When I ask why someone chose to sign my name, the librarian tells me that she saw me earlier, when I got my visitor pass, and she didn't want me to waste time later. So she did it. I stare at her in disbelief and decide to let this battle pass.

I turn to face the library. It's small. A single rectangular room with books lining all four walls on old wodden shelves. The middle of the room is just filled with table after table. Cafeteria tables. There's a table lined with pastries, breakfast breads, and a giant platter of fruit. I proceed to take every kiwi and every piece of mango. As soon as I sit down, a tall woman (who I later discover is a clinical psychologist) asks me if she can have one of the kiwis. "You can't have them all!" she gleefully exclaims, followed by forced laughter. I'm a professional hoarde, I tell her. Sorry. It's my job. She laughs heartily, but stops as soon as she realizes I'm serious.

I'm excellent at first impressions.

A comedian sits in front of me. He had no sense of humor. I know this because in the windows of the library were hand-painted portraits of various famous black people in history: Martin Luther King, Jr., Maya Angelou, George Washington Carver, Harriet Tubman, etc. And smack dab in the middle of them all was this man:



I am unsure in what alternate universe Barry Sanders exists as a famous black man who contributed greatly to our nation, but that universe apparently is the reality at Webster Middle School. I make this point and our troll-like comedian merely looks at me as if I'm speaking Farsi.

I'm excellent at second impressions.

The tension in the air made me squirm in my seat. I was clearly the youngest person in the room, save for a few members of the school's Leadership. Everyone wore pressed suits or their uniform. (There were a lot of members of the armed forces, as well as police officers and EMTs.)

And I sat there, dressed in a brown Lacoste polo I found at a thrift store for $4.00. Tattoos on my arms, hands, and neck. Facial piercings. Terrorist beard. It had been a while since I'd felt this out of place and I didn't like it.

Small talk begins. The question on everyone's mind?

"So what do you do?"

It passes around like a communicable disease. I'm ignored, for the most part, for the first few minutes as everyone is filling in the empty seats. There's an ad sales rep and she is too pretty and way too boring. There's a "movie producer" who initially sits next to me. As if he thinks he has to fit a certain stereotype, he has an overly-loud conversation about how shitty such-and-such script is and how he's rather spend time blowing a horse than ever reading it again. I then watch him open the same script he had just trashed and I felt the overwhelming urge to remind him that he just said he'd rather blow a horse. I keep my mouth shut.

But not much longer. Because everyone realizes I haven't not been asked the $64,000 question.

And so it begins.

A woman sitting at the table in front of me turns to me. She smiles and I realize I'm doomed. "Let me guess what you are," she announces proudly. "Are you an artist?"

I don't even get a chance to react as I suddenly become the victim of a verbal gang bang of sorts. Everyone starts to chide in:

"No, no, he's a musician." [Where was my instrument, fuckface?]
"You're a tattoo artist!"   [Because the only people with tattoos are those who give them.]
"Do you own a convenience store?" [Are you serious???]
"You work at Hot Topic!" [Inwardly, I laughed at that one.]

"Wait, wait," the producer interrupts, closing his horse BJ script. "I know what you do. You own a liquor store."

I don't even have a chance to let the irony settle in before I finally get a guess thrown at me that causes me to explode.

"No, he's a test patient."

I turn around to see a woman in her mid 30s. Dark brown bob. Purple dress suit. A stupid smile plastered on her face. She looks like she owns 40 cats. I later find out she works in Accounts Receivable in some shitty office. I am not surprised.

What did you just say? I ask her.

"You're a test patient. You know."

No, I don't know. What the fuck is that?

"You know," she says again, shifting nervously in her chair. "You sign up to be a part of medical experiments for colleges and stuff."

I stare at her, my mind blown. Are you serious? Please tell me you're not serious.

Blank stare returned. "It's possible." That's all she manages to say.

As a fucking careeer? I return. Look, I don't make a living pretending I'm a poor college student, trying to make rent.

Then the gem came. After about 3 seconds of silence, I hear, from the back of the room: "Prison warden?"

I lose it. Are you guys serious? Is it because I'm young? The tattoos? The beard? What? Do you think it's impossible for me to have a job that uses my brain on a daily basis?

One of the EMTs spoke up. She looked younger than most of the people in the room, but I would have guessed she was in her late 20s. As she talked, she kept brushing her stringy blonde hair out of her face. "I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE!" she exclaimed. "I KNOW IT, I KNOW IT."

She inserts a dramatic pause. She has everyone's attention.

"YOU ARE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER!"

Lots of you are probably reading to *head desk* right about now. I actually did that. Literally.

I was then saved by the event organizer. She asked for us to settle down and give her our attention. After things calmed, she turned to me, slightly confused. "So what do you do anyway?"

I'm a writer. An editor. I manage an entire media website on a daily basis. I work. IN AN OFFICE. I get paid a decent salary. I USE MY BRAIN EVERYDAY. And I don't have to work with ignorant assholes like you guys all day.

Lots of silence after this. Then our leaders chimes, "Well, ok! Moving on! I'm going to split you into your groups and we'll get this day started! Ok? OK! I'm so excited!"

I hate forced joy. I wished her face would melt off.

They split us up based on where we would be going. (What part of the campus, I mean.) Further proving that there is a God up in the sky and that he hates my guts, I get stuck between a recruiter for the Army and a recruiter for the Marines.

For the following transcription, I am Mark. The Army Recruiter will be: A. The Marine Recruiter will be: M.

This is what occurred in the next 5 minutes:

A: So what do you write about?
Mark: Politics, mostly. Current events. Weird news. A lot of underground music. Religion.
M: Did you go to school for it?
Mark: I'm still in school. A double major at Cal State Long Beach. Political science and religious studies.
A: Good for you, good for you.
[Silence.]
A: So what type of political things do you write about?
Mark [realizing I have already made a terrible impression and I might as well continue doing so]: Well, I write about the war in Iraq. Current presidential election coming up. Cop Watch. Homophobia in the media and US society. LGBT issues that I find important. That kind of stuff.
M [chokes on his water.]: So uh....
A: Yes, um.....
M: Do you support the war in Iraq?
Mark: Absolutely not.
A: I'm surprised.
Mark: Thanks for the sarcasm. I'll remember to turn mine on later.
A: Do you support the troops?
Mark: Nope.
M: But they're humans. Aren't you a humanist?
Mark: Strawman, a bit?
M: What?
Mark: I don't imagine you'd know what that is.
M: .................
Mark: I never said I was a humanist, but even if I was, it's not like the people who are fighting the war were forced to do it. It's not my fault.
A: .....................
A: Are you serious?
Mark: No. Sometimes I open my mouth and words come out and I have no idea what they are.
A & M: ......................
Mark: Look, I support human beings and I want people to be safe and happy, as hard as that is to believe. But these people willingly signed up to be a part of this. The people I feel sorry for are the ones that were convinced to join the military by people like you who lied to them.
A: How do you know I'm a liar?
Mark: Do you think it's good for us to be fighting in Iraq?
A: Of course.
Mark: Then either you're a liar or an idiot. Possibly both. And aren't you required to speak positively about the military as a recruiter?
M: You should respect your elders.
Mark: I prefer to respect intelligence and reason.
A: And we have neither?
Mark: [Laughs hysterically.]
M: I don't understand people like you.
Mark: Try?
M: Why don't you support your country?
Mark: Who said I don't?
M: Well, you-
Mark: If I recall, I supported my country when they took a third of my paycheck on June 1st.
M: Have you considered moving to another country?
Mark: You're fucking kidding me. You're not going to give me that "Love it Or Leave It" bullshit, are you?
A: Well, if you hate your country so much, why are you here?
Mark: Again, when did I ever say I hated my country? I hate a lot of the things it does and stands for, but I don't hate a non-entity.
M: You sound pretty hateful.
Mark: That's because I'm talking to you guys.
A: Why do you dislike the military so much, then?
Mark: How long do you have?
A&M: Silence.
Mark: I don't support wars in general, because I think the concept is absurd. But, more specifically, I hate what you've done to this country and to countries around the world. I hate that you've created a social ranking on this planet based on military presence and domestic worth. I hate that you've invaded hundreds of countries illegally and ruined millions of lives just to "get what's yours." And I hate that you lie to millions of kids and teenagers who don't know any better and you try to convince them that this is honorable. It's not honorable to fight a voluntary war EVER. There's no honor in murdering men, women, and children in the name of progress, which is the most god-awful, backwards idea on the planet. As far as I'm concerned, you and your people are the scum of the earth and I'll do everything I can to make sure every student I talk to knows you're lying to them.

They didn't say a single word to me after that. They just stared at their shitty breakfast pastries until we were escorted out of the library to our classrooms.

My presentations were largely uneventful and incredibly fun. Before I end this epic blog, let me share with you my two favorite moments during my speeches:

During the second presentation, I had an interchange with a kid who insisted I work for MySpace:

Kid: So you work for MySpace.
Me: No. I work for Buzznet.
Kid: But that's your MySpace page.
Me [Confused]: No. It's not.
Kid: Yeah, it is. I can see your friends list.
Me [pointing to the URL]: Look here. Buzznet.com.
Kid: That's just your MySpace name.
Me: [Head hits projector screen.]

During my second to last presentation, I had a nice interaction with a rather outspoken and otherwise witty student. I was browsing through various pages on the site, just to show them what it looked like. A picture of some girl passed by. This kid told me to stop. I did.

Kid: Is that your girlfriend?
My brother: [Begins to laugh hysterically until he has tears in his eyes]
Me: No, it's not.
Kid: Do Filipino girls go on the site?
Me: .....................................
Kid: Because I want to find me a hot Filipino bitch. They can cook some good rice and shit.
Me: .....................................

I can't wait to do it again next year.

Watch Louis Theroux's documentary on the Westboro Baptist Church first to understand why I'm so excited that this is happening.

At one of their demonstrations, Shirley's son stomped on an American flag. Unfortunately for them, this was in Nebraska, where such an action is illegal. (Which is stupid.) Nevertheless, this means she is "contributing to the delinquincy of a minor."

Possible punishment? A $500 fine and 90 DAYS IN JAIL!!!!!

God is righteous.

Seriously. I should put up a message stating that if you talk to me on AIM, you give up all rights to our conversation. And I will post it for all the internet to see.

Try to prevent your head from exploding while reading this:

10:04:33 AM brainsmith86: hi
10:05:11 AM xmeltingboyx: Hey
10:05:33 AM brainsmith86: name?
10:05:40 AM xmeltingboyx: Huh?
10:05:48 AM brainsmith86: yours
10:06:15 AM xmeltingboyx: You IMed me. Why are you asking me my name?
10:06:35 AM brainsmith86: to know u
10:07:30 AM brainsmith86: age?
10:07:43 AM xmeltingboyx: How did you get my IM name?
10:08:01 AM brainsmith86: r u not a gay?
10:08:07 AM xmeltingboyx: A gay???
10:08:13 AM xmeltingboyx: It's not a species, dude.
10:08:17 AM xmeltingboyx: But yes, I am gay.
10:08:25 AM brainsmith86: it say so
10:08:50 AM xmeltingboyx: Yes, it does.
10:09:00 AM xmeltingboyx: I don't know where you're looking, but yes, I am indeed "a gay."
10:09:24 AM brainsmith86: well let us know each other
10:10:28 AM xmeltingboyx: Ok. Sure.
10:11:03 AM brainsmith86: tell me what is your feeling as agay when in relation with other one like u?
10:11:27 AM xmeltingboyx: I'm not even sure that's English.
10:11:38 AM xmeltingboyx: So I'm going to say that I don't understand your question.
10:12:12 AM brainsmith86: describe the relationship between gays
10:13:29 AM brainsmith86: do like bradpit?
10:13:53 AM xmeltingboyx: I imagine that gay people aren't that different from straight people.
10:13:57 AM xmeltingboyx: It's probably just the same.
10:14:12 AM xmeltingboyx: I don't really know Brad Pitt. So I can't make a judgment on him
10:14:54 AM brainsmith86: don't u see movies?!
10:15:31 AM brainsmith86: troy!!!
10:15:46 AM xmeltingboyx: Hahahaha. Yes, I have seen movies.
10:15:55 AM xmeltingboyx: And just because I've seen him in movies doesn't mean I like him.
10:16:20 AM brainsmith86: looking hadsom man?
10:16:37 AM xmeltingboyx: That's not even a complete statement.
10:16:45 AM xmeltingboyx: Are you asking me if he's handsome?
10:16:51 AM xmeltingboyx: He is, but I'm not attracted to him.
10:17:21 AM brainsmith86: what is the type of men u r attracted to?
10:17:53 AM xmeltingboyx: I don't know. Guys who are nice and intelligent?
10:18:25 AM brainsmith86: what about their body?!
10:18:49 AM xmeltingboyx: Wow. You sure are excited about this.
10:18:58 AM xmeltingboyx: It depends on the person for me.
10:19:35 AM brainsmith86: body builders are nice guys and handsome
10:20:00 AM xmeltingboyx: All body builders?
10:20:03 AM xmeltingboyx: Are you serious?
10:20:19 AM brainsmith86: no i am just jalking
10:20:43 AM brainsmith86: u r very intellegent i like u
10:20:58 AM xmeltingboyx: Thanks?
10:21:43 AM brainsmith86: intelegence is the most important in uman kind, don't u think?
10:22:25 AM xmeltingboyx: That could be the most ironic statement ever.
10:22:28 AM xmeltingboyx: But I will agree
10:22:37 AM brainsmith86: why?
10:22:50 AM brainsmith86: is it strange for u to know that?
10:23:39 AM xmeltingboyx: Are you just typing non-sequiters?
10:25:03 AM brainsmith86: sequiters????
10:26:14 AM brainsmith86: i am a guy just looking for frend ship
10:26:48 AM brainsmith86: trying to learn from intelegent guys like u
10:27:59 AM brainsmith86: i feel lonely and isolated
10:28:37 AM brainsmith86: i prefer to talk to gays all the time
10:29:05 AM xmeltingboyx: Ok, could you stop referring to me as a "gay"? I am more than just that.
10:29:31 AM brainsmith86: then tell me your name
10:30:02 AM brainsmith86: just for the sake of knowing each other
10:30:48 AM brainsmith86: tell me about u who u r and what u like and dislike
10:30:59 AM xmeltingboyx: My name is Mark.
10:31:34 AM brainsmith86: i am sam
10:31:51 AM brainsmith86: what is your age?
10:32:59 AM brainsmith86: r u a college graduate mark?
10:33:13 AM brainsmith86: or just a school boy!?
10:34:03 AM xmeltingboyx: I'm 23.
10:34:06 AM xmeltingboyx: A school boy?
10:34:07 AM xmeltingboyx: Sigh.
10:35:03 AM brainsmith86: i am 26 a graduate of science college
10:35:42 AM xmeltingboyx: You're 26???
10:35:45 AM xmeltingboyx: Really???
10:35:49 AM xmeltingboyx: You have to be joking.
10:36:04 AM brainsmith86: why is that?!
10:36:29 AM xmeltingboyx: Because, from the way you type, I thought you were atleast 14
10:36:33 AM xmeltingboyx: Maybe 15 on a good day
10:37:21 AM brainsmith86: well u ctched me
10:37:33 AM brainsmith86: i am 17!
10:37:55 AM brainsmith86: but try to find my way
10:38:26 AM xmeltingboyx: Holy hell.
10:39:23 AM brainsmith86: face it mark dont let your mind get u out of your mission
10:39:35 AM brainsmith86: to help poor people like me
10:40:09 AM brainsmith86: u look like having a very kind heart
10:40:23 AM brainsmith86: and like to help people
10:40:36 AM brainsmith86: tell me what zodiacal sign u r?
10:41:19 AM xmeltingboyx: You're making up words now. Amazing.
10:41:23 AM xmeltingboyx: I'm a Scorpio
10:41:37 AM brainsmith86: bingo!!!!
10:41:48 AM brainsmith86: i just know it
10:42:01 AM brainsmith86: u r a water sign
10:42:18 AM brainsmith86: like helping people in situations
10:42:37 AM brainsmith86: but u hide your feeling from others
10:43:13 AM xmeltingboyx: Thanks for that, Sylvia Brown.
10:44:11 AM brainsmith86: what is that mark?!!! who is Sylvia Brown????
10:45:06 AM brainsmith86: where the hell is your location on the map?
10:45:56 AM xmeltingboyx: This is like an IM version of Punk'd, right?
10:46:14 AM xmeltingboyx: Because this is the absolute most absurd conversation I've ever had.
10:46:48 AM brainsmith86: that is the aim of this conversation it is to know new people arround u
10:47:07 AM brainsmith86: and give what u could
10:47:33 AM brainsmith86: u have payed me your attention and that was fare for me
10:48:53 AM brainsmith86: if u dislike that kind of help just tell me and i will let it go
10:49:11 AM xmeltingboyx: I don't even understand what you just said.

I found this linked on a rather stunning (and amazing) blog on Jesus' General. (Read that first.)

Now read this link. Blogs 4 Brownback. (Sam Brownback is running for President as a Republican.)

It's a conservative blog written by someone who so dearly wants Brownback to win. This morning, he posted an "Open Thread" asking if the "globe theory" (?????) should be taught in schools.

Let me highlight some of the responses:

• I got no problem with teaching that kind of stuff if its treated like other mythologies, like homers odyssey or beowulf or the holocaust. I dont got no kids, but i wouldnt be suprised if stupid libs are already teaching all three as so-called “scientific fact”. [Posted by Elvin]
• The only book of teaching that should be used in ANY class is the Holy Bible. All of this “globe theory” and “global warming” stuff isn’t mentioned in the Good Book and sounds suspiciously like COMMUNISM to me. [Posted by Will B.]
• I wouldn’t be upset if the globe theory were included in art class with the assistance of a balloon and some paper mache and paint. When the kids are finished with their crafting, the teacher can pop the balloon and crumple the paper “globe” to illustrate that the theory/guess is full of hot air and too weak to sustain itself against God’s divine plan.
  Also after we ban books such as The Grapes of Wrath, 1984, Lolita and all books by Mailer, Henry Miller, Vonnegut and Hemingway, there may be some room to teach the fiction of the globe guess in sophomore English classes. [Posted by carsick]
• With all due respect, this is a silly topic. The Bible is the only text that should be taught in our schools. Period. This is clear because if God intended for children to learn things like “math” he would have included such studies in the text. Further, it is also clear that Hurricane Katrina, AIDS, the shuttle disasters, and commercials during “24″ would not exist but for the presence of secular “education” in our public schools. When Sam is President he will make sure that the Bible is the only word our kids hear in school. [Posted by St. Legalize]
• But if you believe in teaching children that the world is round, you’re a Helioleftist who opposes the Bible. In that case, I don’t want you coming near our children. The “global” theory flatly contradicts the Biblical teaching that the world is flat. Specifically, it is a disk, with the circumference in Antarctica and the center at the North Pole. You can learn more about it here:

  http://www.alaska.net/~clund/e_djublonskopf/Flatearthsociety.htm
  

This has to be an elaborate joke. If so, I've definitely fallen for it. Kudos.

But I have a feeling it's not. :(

First off, while reading this Yahoo article, I came across this little piece of insight:

• President George W. Bush confirmed last September the CIA had run secret detention centers abroad where terrorism suspects had been interrogated, but he named no country.

I can't believe this is true. He actually admitted this? And no one's freaking out?

Sigh. Anyway, A European investigator says he has proof of atleast two of these secret prisons: One in Poland and one in Romania. Of course, in the typical American fashion, the article doesn't even tell us what that evidence is. At all. Or even hint to it.

Sigh. Again.

Seriously.

I'm posting from Webster Middle School in West L.A. I'll try to post a video blog from here later today, but this shall have to suffice for now.

My brother invited me to speak today at his school's Career Day. It's actually pretty fun. I just gave my first presentation to his first period class and it went well. (With the exception of some kid insisting that Buzznet is just MySpace part 2. TOTALLY NOT.)

I have quite a few more to give. These kids are fun. I'm taking pictures and video too. I will share!

So I apologize if I'm a bit unavailable for the morning. I'll be on later.

As if men around the planet didn't have enough to be self-conscious about, we now have a Pecker Checker.

That's right. A "newspaper" in the UK (I use the term "newspaper" lightly) ran the results of a study on penis size and the newspaper decided to include a ruler which designated the "average length" of a penis on it.

Then it told men to place their erect penis on the rule to measure up.

HYSTERICAL. I can only wonder how many people walked in on their boyfriends, brothers, roommates, and husbands with their penis stuck to a newspaper.

Because this story is begging me to create something ridiculous.

A man tried to jump into the Popemobile.
A man tried to jump into the Popemobile.
A man tried to jump into the Popemobile.
A man tried to jump into the Popemobile.
A man tried to jump into the Popemobile.
A man tried to jump into the Popemobile.
A man tried to jump into the Popemobile.

Sir, wherever you are right now, I am sending you an e-high five. Because even though I have not the slightest reason why you'd even want to be in the same room with that man, you've allowed me type my favorite sentence of 2007.

A MAN TRIED TO JUMP INTO THE POPEMOBILE!!!!!

Today rules. If only there was a video.....

EDIT: OH FUCK. THERE IS. RIGHT HAND SIDE OF THE PAGE. (The Yahoo link above.)

It's like a stagedive onto the Pope. Someone please Photoshop this.

Seriously. $269 a box. High-quality air, guys.

Better get some of those empty boxes before they're all gone!

(Cross-posted at BoingBoing.)

Scooter Libby gets 30 months in jail for the CIA leak case.

Serves you right, you asshole.

Because, clearly, I don't like our current government simply because we aren't getting bombed enough.

Does that seem ludicrous? Well, Arkansas' GOP chief Dennis Milligan thinks otherwise.

The answer to those who criticize Bush is to kill more innocent Americans. Right.

I know, I know.  I swear I'm not some conspiratorial fuckwad whose paranoia is the driving force of his life. But did you know your personal information is stored on any files you purchase from the iTunes store, even the DRM-free files?

Turns out your iTunes username and email are embedded in everything your purchase from Apple's music and video store. Even worse, it's not even encrypted.

Why is this important?

• Technology blogs Ars Technica and The Unofficial Apple Weblog were among the first to reveal that personal data remained in the unrestricted iTunes tracks. Their reports last week prompted speculation that the data could be used to trace copies uploaded to online file-sharing networks back to the people who originally purchased the tracks, opening those users to music industry copyright lawsuits.

And more:

• Still, the group takes issue with the fact that the personal information stored in these type of song files is not encrypted. If someone were to lose their iPod or have their laptop stolen, for example, anyone using simple software tools could access the personal data in the songs, von Lohmann suggested.

  "It just seems careless and unwise for somebody like Apple to start planting this kind of personal information without protection in the files," von Lohmann said. "It's not as bad as leaking your credit card number or your Social Security number, but it's still a pretty careless security leak."

Oh joy.

No, we will not.

Someone FINALLY filed a counterclaim to those ridiculous lawsuits being handed out by the RIAA and Universal Music.

A Florida man is accusing the RIAA and Universal Music of extortion.

As I said before:

HUZZAH!

I read Mock The Stupid on Livejournal every time it is updated. Endlessly funny.

However, there are rare moments of moronic acts of stupidity that leave me frustrated and, in this case, completely depressed.

I will share one of those entries today. This specific one is mostly laughable; posted a few days ago, it's the 100 Most Whacky Fundamentalist Quotes.

Read the first one. Try not to cry.

Post others you think are funny so that I can stop feeling depressed.

An openly homophobic Christian "street preacher" is angry that he has been denied the right to march in the Chicago Gay Pride Parade. For the record, he is not looking to march in support of gay rights, but, rather, in opposition to them.

Again. This is real.

What I find fascinating about this is that Ruben Israel is crying "intolerance" against the promoters of the event for denying him the right to participate in the march itself. It brings up an interesting dilemma, no? As a group that is seeking tolerance from the community, is it hypocritical that they won't allow someone to march with them?

Not really. This is the exact person they're trying to gain tolerance from. It seems self-defeating to permit that type of activity; would it socially cancel out their efforts?

You know what? On second thought, they should let this asshole march. Let him be surrounded by homosexuals. You know, some bizarre form of submersion therapy. Would he still feel the need to say shit like this?:

• COMMON SENSE REASON #1

   

  WHEN YOU HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLY MEN ABUSING THEMSELVES WITH EACH OTHER IN SEXUALLY PERVERTED WAYS...THEIR BRAIN CHEMISTRY CHANGES AND THEY NO LONGER DESIRE GOD'S GIFT TO THEM....A.K.A. WOMEN.

   

  THIS WICKED BEHAVIOR LEADS TO A NATURAL DECLINE IN THE POPULATION OF THE COUNTRY BECAUSE THE PERVERTS ARE NOT ABLE TO REPRODUCE. (THANK GOD)

Yeah. I'm not going to refute that. It basically refutes itself.

I can't even make this shit up.

An Illinois conservative blogger/writer/reporter/whatever gave two thumbs down to the newest Shrek movie, not because the movie was bad (they enjoyed it), but because there's a cross-dressing character in the mix.

Again, I can't possibly begin to make up shit like this.

• Shrek's not the problem.  It's the awkward inclusion of a transvestite and the uselessness of the character himself (herself?) in the story that is troubling.

  Right in the midst of a warm "traditional family" setting,  the film writers place a man dressed as a woman in with Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White (the good gals).  The crossdressing character simply doesn't make sense, except as a ploy to desensitize children and parents to transgenders.

Holy.
Fucking.
Hell.

Let me try to continue.

• Homosexual activists now are careful to not only use the term "LGBTs" as a unit, they are more boldly now declaring lesbians-gays-bisexuals-transgenders as a unit pushing together as one for civil rights.  Those confused about their sexual roles are pushing for equal rights to be free to publicly demonstrate their odd sexual behavior.  For transgenders, appearing to be a different sex in public is their particular turn on.  We need to understand that acceptance of this sexual behavior is just another step moving our world toward sexual chaos.

Normally, I'd just slam my [insert body part] against the keyboard at this point. I'm going to try to be a bit more e-civil this time around.

I have quite a few issues with this statement. First of all, it's not a behavior. It's an orientation. Secondly, using the word "odd" is just a lame pot-shot. Just because it's not as popular as everything else doesn't mean it's odd. Of course, it's just semantics, I suppose. Plus, there are bigger ideas at hand.

Like the fact that the author has no understanding of the transgendered. I assure you that, as much as I know about transgender men and woman, that it's not explicity for sexual turn-on. There's a much more complex emotional enviroment than just sexual excitement.

But I doubt they care about that. Because, of course, it's all leading to "sexual chaos"! (I suppose they mean sexual diversity. And fuck that! Everyone should be the same.)

• But well-meaning parents who plan to take their kids to see a movie that grossed $122 million in the opening weekend should be aware . . . it's the subtlety of the movie makers' agenda to desensitize that could be more harmful to your children than encouraging them to eat sugary cereals in the morning.

I want you to tell me something, Fran Eaton, though I'm sure you'd be unable to give any sort of respectable or reasonable response:

What's so harmful about this??

Someone here on Buzznet linked me to an article about how a man had been tracking various flights through radio transmissions across the US and had stumbled upon a fleet of jets that were flying to secret locations across the globe. He theorized that this is where the CIA had secret prisons stationed.

Yeah. I can't find it.

Anyway, it seems that we're getting some more mainstream confirmation that these secret foreign prisons are indeed a reality. (That's pretty terrifying to type/read, no?)

• The Senate Intelligence Committee on Thursday questioned the continuing value of the Central Intelligence Agency’s secret interrogation program for terrorism suspects,” suggesting the network of overseas prisons “should be shut down unless the Bush administration can demonstrate that they are ‘necessary, lawful and in the best interests of the United States.’”

What the fuck? So they're real? How is that legal????

Jesus. This seriously creeps me out.

This should be fun.

If you recall, I wrote about the controversy surrounding eHarmony.com last month, as chemistry.com ran a competing ad that charged the site with discriminating against those who weren't heterosexual.

And now we've got a woman suing them on the basis that they're breaking state law. (Discriminating against someone on the basis of sexual orientation.)

I can't wait to see how this pans out. I'm ecstatic.