God, Please Save These Troubled States

Because 7 schools across the United States have banned the game of "Tag."

Good.
Lord.
THISISSODUMB.

First, thanks to Kitty for tipping me off to this story, which is mind-boggling in its stupidity.

Look, I understand that kids get hurt. BUT THAT'S A PART OF GROWING UP. Breaking bones. Or collisions. Or skinned knees.

I fear that I'm going to sound like an old fogie, but THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS.


STOP IT, CHILDREN. THAT IS TERRIBLE. YOU MAY TAKE A RISK IN LIFE. STOP.

At all future recesses across the country, the following should be the only actions that are allowed:


Safe! Color violence instead of participating in it!



Nothing like a friendly and competitive game of Tic Tac Toe! Winner gets a Tootsie Roll!



Prayer circles! Good for the soul and good for the Lord!




Just don't pattycake too hard!





We're doomed.

AWESOME. I AM AWESOME.

Your turn!

There is so much about this that is hilarious/horrible. Let's discuss!

Kerrang! is a British music magazine and, as I see it, only really operates as a hype machine for various artists and albums. Sort of like Alternative Press or Rolling Stone. They also have an annual awards show for, as expected, music.

This year, the nominees for Best Album were:

Biffy Clyro 'Puzzle'
Enter Shikari 'Take To The Skies'
Fall Out Boy 'Infinity On High'
Machine Head 'The Blackening'
My Chemical Romance 'The Black Parade'

And, much to the surprise of everyone (myself included) Machine Head won.

Seriously? Machine Head? The last time they put out a good album, it was still the last millenium. And the album that came out before this current one was one heaping pill of downtuned-chug garbage. I'll admit that I haven't heard anything from this new one, but let's just say that I don't hold it in high hopes.

Here's where it gets hilarious. From Machine Head:

• [Our win] has apparently cut deep with fans of both bands, prompting a flood of angry whining and sad-faced emoticons on the Kerrang! message boards. Machine Head's upset victory over the multi-platinum softcore acts sent their inherently sensitive fans into an emotional frenzy, building into a tizzy of unparalleled proportions.
  
  Wrought with dismay, polished fingernails the world over lashed out at the band and metal as a whole with diatribes the likes of "MCR really should have won!!! I'm mad now!!!!”, "what a load of shit, who the fuck listens to them?" and "Stupid Machine Head!!", at times stooping so low as to say the competition was fixed, and often gravely endangering the integrity of their carefully sideswept hair with posts like "I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL, I H8 METAL".

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Here's what I don't get:

The Kerrang! Awards are a complete joke. Why any fan of any band would ever take them seriously is BEYOND me. So, I think it's quite interesting that two fan groups have taken the least serious award in all existence as seriously as humanly possible.

It appears that the Kerrang! Board has been purged recently, because there are almost no threads there at all. Damn. I wanted to mock posts.

Anyway, in summary:

-How the hell is Machine Head winning any awards?
-MCR and FOB fans bring the LOLZ.
-There needs to be a macro for this.

OH AND HERE'S A POLL, SINCE I AM NOW OBSESSED WITH THEM:

Holy crap. This is totally nuts.

The San Francisco Gate is reporting that early this morning, an unidentified man's body was removed from the tent where it was found.

• Pershing County coroners are investigating the scene and preparing to remove the body. Pirtle said the man was hanging for two hours before anyone in the large tent thought to bring him down. "His friends thought he was doing an art piece," Pirtle said.

Jesus. How terrible.

Buzznet's own medical expert, Sandra Lim, is actually blogging from the event. About 30 minutes ago, she posted the "Top 10 Health Hazards at Burning Man." And it appears she needs to edit it to add suicide to the list.

Yikes. How sad. :(

Keep checking back on Sandra's page for more updates from the medical tent.

I distinctly remember getting a phone call from one of my Buzznet superiors just prior to the Dimension Films panel at Comic-Con. Imagine my excitement to find out that I'd be coming home from San Diego early Sunday so that I could meet up with Blaqk Audio for their promotional radio tour for CexCells.

A bit of a backstory: Last March, I covered AFI's Spring Tour of the west coast. I conceived of the idea, and Buzznet and Interscope approved. I'd follow the band for just over two weeks, catching 7 shows and blogging along the way. It was an absolute blast and a dream to do: "touring" with a band I loved and doing it for a job I enjoy.

So, when given the opportunity to travel up the west coast to document the meet and greets the band would orchestrate with fans, I couldn't help but accept.

What impressed me most about the entire ordeal was how informal, personal, and creative these places where. Some weird bar/club in Santa Monica that held 60 people, tops. The Bodies Exhibit in San Diego. The Digital Expressions College in Emeryville. The Pus Cavern in Sacramento. The Beach House in Seattle, Washington.

I got to travel to Seattle and spend the day with my friend Stephie. (I hadn't been to Seattle since I was 6. Imagine my excitement.)

I ate some gnarly-awesome vegan food and I'm convinced that I belong in either Berkeley or Seattle. And spending two days with Talia? 'Nuff said.

(That's Reno Nasrallah. Good to see him in Berkeley too.)

The whole point of this is to provide an overall wrap up of my experience to help promote CexCells, which continues to grow on me the more I listen to it. (Which is surprising, since I didn't like it the first time I heard it.) It all culminated with me being able to finally interview two members of a band I hold in high regards.

And now I share that with you!

The Interviews:
Interview: Part I
Interview: Part II
Interview: Part III

The Webisodes:
#1: Nine Inch Nails
#2: "Mute"
#3: Blaqk Audio Live
#4: Straight Edge

A neat video I shot and edited from the Emeryville Listening Party and Meet N' Greet:
Emeryville Video

And for those who are photo-inclined:
Official Blaqk Audio Gallery
My personal photo gallery of the trip

BUT I AM NOT DONE!

We have footage we're editing from the signing that Blaqk Audio did here in Los Angeles 2 days after CexCells was released. It's epic. It's hilarious. It's intense. And we'll hopefully have it up in the next couple of days!!!!

AWESOME. Enjoy, for all those who don't get the chance to see these guys live.  Please feel free to spread this around MySpace, messageboard, LiveJournal, etc so that more people can see the interviews!

There's a new unbiased news station in town.

(And they're clearly not fooling around.)

Thanks, Crooks and Liars.

I have been "tagged" by the lovely Huldaholm to contribute my top 10 "celebrity" crushes.

I mean, it's only fair. Since I started the last 'round of tags with the "8 Random Facts" blog, I must comply!

There was a problem, though: I'm a picky motherfucker. REALLY REALLY picky. I don't find very many guys attractive at all. So it's taken me quite some time to pick 10, but here we go.

RULES:

1. You post your top 10 fantasy guys/girls
2. You tag 10 people.
3. You CANNOT tag someone who has already been tagged.
4. You have to let the people you tagged know that they've been tagged.
5. These are the rules they must be repeated every time.
6. THERE MUST BE PHOTOS! AT ALL TIMES!

#10: Edward Norton


Maybe it's his acting. Maybe it's the rad roles he chooses. Maybe it's his adorable face. But I do enjoy Edward Norton a great deal.

And why is he so goddamn hot as a Nazi skinhead? My morals are crushed.


#9: Jay Hernandez


Not a very good actor. Hasn't really ever done anything at all that's caught my interest. But his boyish faces KILLS ME every time.

I'm weird. I know.

#8: Trent Lane


That's right. He's not even a real person. But I watched Daria with a broken heart, because I knew Trent Lane, Jane's older brother, would never be mine.

Sigh. What a goddamn dreamboat.

#7: Gerard Butler in 300


Oh God. The movie was decent, but the whole time, I was enraptured by this man. It was kind of gross, actually, but the dude is

so

so

so

so

hot.

I'm kind of upset at how gay this post is turning out to be. I was about to make a terrible pun, but it's best I keep that to myself.

#6: Pitbull


Here's where I let my fellow Buzznet friends in on a little known fact about myself:

I tend to be attracted to guys who, on appearance, have absolutely nothing in common with me. I don't understand it. I don't know where it comes from. Why am I attracted to cholos so much? Why do I totally fall for reggaeton-loving dopes who clearly have no sense of intelligence or class? I DON'T GET IT.

But this dude has GORGEOUS eyes. And a great smile. Sigh.

It's only going to get weirder. Sorry.

#5: Daddy Yankee


WHY AM I ATTRACTED TO THIS MAN? Every interview I've read or seen is HORRIFIC and mind-numbing. His music makes me want to stab my eardrums out. He personifies so much of what I find wrong with modern music.

Yet I am INFATUATED with him. Just....UGGGGHHHHH. That face. Those lips.

GAH. JUST KILL ME NOW.

#4: Mario Lopez (post Saved By The Bell)


Now this I can support. I don't care. Give me shit about ANY other dude here, but this one I'll back for life.

I hated him on Saved By The Bell. And then he grew up and stole my heart. He does a ton of shit I don't care about, but then every once in a while, I get to see him without a shirt. And I die.

#3: Josh Wald


Enough said. (Or posted. Or whatever.)

#2: Benjamin Bratt as Paco in Blood In, Blood Out: Bound By Honor

God, these screen shots are horrible. He's in the center.

Some more:

 
On the right.


Anyway, I'll refrain from posting a few hundred screencaps from the film. Because, really, I could do it all day. It goes right along with my bizarre affliction for cholos, those Chicano gangsters native to my birthplace, East Los Angeles. (A fun factoid: My brother and I were almost born in a house just a few houses down from el pino in this movie.)

And Benjamin Bratt, while still pretty handsome in his old age, was absolute perfection in this movie. The scene where he chases down the car in just his boxers? GLH;ASDH;KLJFDS;HFA;LFASDOIUADSFFASDLK;JADSFLJKADSF

All right. And on to my final choice, which I will apologize for in advance:

#1: Vin Diesel


I KNOW.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.

You don't need to say it. I've been getting shit for years because of my attraction to this man.

Yes, he has been in some of the most socially- and culturally-retarded films to ever grace the big screen. (I liked Pitch Black, though. Shush.)

But you know what? I'm willing to give him a chance. Because of this:


LOOK AT THAT SMILE. GAH. MELTS MY HEART.

The truth is that he has a ton of the physical characteristics that I find attractive. A muscular frame. Nice lips. Shaved head. Overbearing masculinity. (WHY DO I LIKE THAT? UGH.)

And the few interviews I've ever caught have always impressed me.

OK I KNOW. THIS IS ABSURD. I won't try to defend myself anymore.

Here is who I tag:

pixeltopia
deejaysmurf
xmisspreternaturalx
skintight
heartsapocalypse
xris
triinu
millieann282000
shapeshifter
cephallus

COMPLY! COMPLY!

Even though I don't actually believe Tucker Carlson's assertion that he was the victim of some bathroom cruising, even if it's true, he made a huge mistake last night:

• "Having sex in a public men's room is outrageous. It's also really common. I've been bothered in men's rooms." Carlson continued, "I've been bothered in Georgetown Park," in Washington, D.C., "when I was in high school." When Abrams asked how Carlson responded to being "bothered," Carlson asserted, "I went back with someone I knew and grabbed the guy by the -- you know, and grabbed him, and ... hit him against the stall with his head, actually."

Dude. You realize that's a hate crime? Because you went back to the scene AND with another person?

What a dolt.

Ah, classism. So fun, no?

The blog title is a slight paraphrase from something Condoleeza Rice apparently said.

You ready for this?

So, I just read DJ Ross Star's terrible tattoo post. Hm. I think it's time to one-up him. Those are certainly some miserable tattoos, but I think I can do better. So I'll do twice as many and, I assure you, they'll be twice as bad.

Let's begin:

#10:


It's bad enough that anyone in their right mind would enjoy the Backstreet Boys beyond a sense of general irony. I mean....it's the Backstreet Boys. Have you ever seen them? It's incredibly hard just to take them serious.

Yet this person decided that they enjoyed one particular BB so much, they wanted his face inked onto their skin for life. I honestly didn't think Kevin could look any more like a creepy child molestor who solicits children in windowless vans outside of school zones. But whomever did this, my hat is off to you: I have never, ever, in my entire life, felt that a tattoo would date rape me. That has now changed.

#9:


What the.....? Was this drawn with a crayon? What's in the background? Better yet, what IS the background? I first saw this on a thread on the AFI board and, years later, it still stumps me.

Also, what body part is this on? Arm? Inside leg? I shudder at the possibilities.

#8:


Uhhhhhh. Makes me want to erase my Star Wars tattoos.

Also, you have a tattoo from a prequel movie. Automatically makes you a horrible person.

#7:


The file name for this photo is "cool_tattoo.jpg"

NO. NO IT IS NOT. YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR FILE-NAMING CAPABILITIES STRICKEN FROM YOU.

Everything about this screams, "I AM THE HOLIEST OF DOUCHEBAGS. LOOK HOW WITTY I AM. HOW MUCH MORE UNNECESSARY ATTENTION CAN I DRAW TO MYSELF?"

Ugh. I hope this guy lost all his friends.

#6:


WHAT. WHAT IS THAT. IS IT A GERM? A DISEASE?

Please don't ever do this.

#5:


I guess this is the second time I've ever felt a tattoo could date rape me.

There are an ungodly number of questions I need answered. First and foremost:

WHY?

Then, if you are the artist who drew this:

WHY?

Did this guy honestly think a specific (and digusting) pop culture scandal was worth getting a tattoo over? Should I get a tattoo of Paris Hilton in night vision?

Child molestation isn't funny, asshole.

#4:


I don't get it. I simply don't get it.

#3:


Well, throw me off a cliff. I did not think it was possible to be any more of a douchebag. But this HAS to take the cake.

Let's discuss.

Cut off t-shirt to expose my side? Check.
Overtly misogynistic attitude? Check
Douche face plastered permanently on my mug? Check.
Bizarre bruising on my underarm, ostensibly caused by any sane person who saw this tattoo and wanted to react as I do right now? Check!

Damn. Ready to go out!

I don't understand the allure of such a tattoo. Does he think he'll get chicks or high fives from his bros? Actually, I'm sure he'll get a lot of the latter.

So it's clear he doesn't care. Oh well.

And, the worst tattoo of all time....

#1:


I swear I will try to avoid comments about this woman's figure, because I don't believe in belittling women who aren't pencil thin. I don't find anything gross about girls who are larger and want to show off some skin. More power to them.

But the double bra strap that's too tight? Uhhhhhhhhh.....I wasn't even aware they made double bra straps.

Moving on to the tattoo. Maybe it's the crayon-like quality of the colors. Maybe it's the misshapen vehicles that resemble retarded dumptrucks. Maybe it's the absurdity of the content. Maybe it's the terrible things I associate with NASCAR fans. But there are SO MANY things wrong with this tattoo. A list would not suffice. (It would be too long.)

Half of this is her fault, for wanting such an atrocious beast on her back. The other half belongs to the (clearly blind) artist who attempted to pen such a monstrosity on skin. He should have his license revoked for eternity.

Feel free to share your own. I'm done and my head hurts.

When I first read about Republican Senator Larry Craig getting busted for "lewd conduct" with an undercover cop in an airport restroom, naturally, a little part of me died with joy. As the post I just linked to above details his very anti-gay legislative record, it's kind of fun to watch such blatant hypocrisy unfold so rapidly. (Albeit, this news was held under wraps for sometime, as Sen. Craig was actually arrested on June 11.)

Here's an interesting snippet from the arresting officer's report:

• My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall. From my seated position, I could observe the shoes and ankles of Craig seated to the left of me. […]

  At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area.

My initial reaction: Wow. I am a terrible homosexual. I have never, in all my years, heard of such a thing. And I know some REALLY sexually active people. They're pretty stumped too.

But as I said, I was pretty stoked at this guy's misfortune. Terrible? Probably. But when you push a party line that is so virulently anti-gay and then you turn out to be gay yourself, I can't help but get excited. Right?

Something wasn't right and it wasn't until I read this post on Shakesville that my fragmented thoughts were written down better than I could have ever managed:

• And therein lies the rub. Had Larry Craig propositioned me in a Humphrey Terminal bathroom, I would probably have missed the sign. Had I somehow caught it, I would have politely turned him down. Had somebody suggested what he just did was lewd, I would have laughed, because you shouldn't get arrested just for asking someone on a date, even if that date involves sex.
  
  Look, if Craig had been arrested for public nudity or having sex in a bathroom stall, I could understand this better. If he'd been arrested for soliciting a prostitute, I'd be all in favor of him getting nailed. But as near as I can tell, he's guilty of subtly asking another adult to have consensual sex. I won't weep for Craig -- he's helped build the bizarre system that has now destroyed his political future. But I won't gloat over this, either, because the ultimate message of this arrest is that the desire to engage in sexual activities with someone of the same sex is in and of itself offensive, and lewd, and criminal. And that's a rather sobering and disturbing thought.

To expound upon Jeff Fecke's point, we live in a social enviroment where a person like Craig isn't "allowed" to have an open homosexual experiences. Granted, I must admit that he's helped create such an atmosphere, so maybe my point is lost. But what did he do that was really so....wrong?

If anything, I'll view this as his punishment for being such a hypocritical douche. But I don't see anything wrong with asking another person for sex. It's not like he asked the officer to have sex right there.

Whatever. I just want to post a picture of him because he looks creepy:


Yikes. If he propositioned me.......I shudder. I shudder.

EDIT: I just asked a friend what he'd do if Craig asked him for sex.

His response: "Asked? You mean I wouldn't be compensated?"

To quote Poxline:
 
About goddamn time.

Imagine my joy this morning to read a Gmail ticker that Gonzales had resigned. And my ecstatic happiness to read a full Yahoo article on his departure.

Yes, this is probably just a facade. The Republican party is just giving the appearance that they care about the American people (when they're really just cleaning house).

BUT STILL. I WILL HAVE A MOMENT OF JOY AS THIS LYING DOUCHE GOES DOWN IN (PSEUDO) FLAMES.

EDIT: This blog entry is amazing. I am ashamed I did not think of this at all. Thanks, Shakes!

No. Really.

I just got this message. Bree's uploading a picture of the stuff I got, but it included:

2 Odwalla Bars
A Figure Artist's Sketch Box
Band-Aids that look like bacon strips.
A baseball.
A Hellboy LunchBox
Two Beanie Babies (????)
Some patches.
a stress ball
Hand Sanitizer

And other stuff.

UM.
WHAT THE FUCK.

This is awesome, but:
WHAT THE FUCK.

I don't know anyone named, "James Connecticut."

The package was actually sent from Santa Monica on August 17th. It was also addressed to the old Buzznet office.

????????????

EDIT: Photos are here!

After you're done laughing, take a breath and try to make it through this article without wanting to drop this legislator off a cliff.

Ok, that's a bit harsh; but in a world where it's hard to make any sort of social contribution or to better our life, these people have decided that what another person is wearing is more important than other pressing social issues.

Here's where I first stopped laughing:

• "Little children see it and want to adopt it, thinking it's the in thing," [Councilman C.T.] Martin said Wednesday. "I don't want young people thinking that half-dressing is the way to go. I want them to think about their future."

OH HOLY GOD. Yes, I don't personally understand how it's comfortable to wear your pants like that. Yes, I don't find it particularly attractive. BUT COME ON. YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

But he is:

• The proposed ordinance would also bar women from showing the strap of a thong beneath their pants. They would also be prohibited from wearing jogging bras in public or show a bra strap, said Debbie Seagraves, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Georgia.

  The proposed ordinance states that "the indecent exposure of his or her undergarments" would be unlawful in a public place. It would go in the same portion of the city code that outlaws sex in public and the exposure or fondling of genitals.

  The penalty would be a fine in an amount to be determined, Martin said.

See, before, I just thought you were a bit old-fashioned. Some eccentricity. Understandable.

But with the assertion that you'd also like to ban sports bras and bra straps from the public eye AND THEN place them in the same city code as PUBLIC SEX AND GENITAL FONDLING.....

YOU ARE 100% CERTIFIABLY INSANE. GTFO OF OFFICE.

And no, they're not using a green screen. (Though that's always been fun.)

Rob Riggle, who was actually a U.S. Marine Corps Major, spent five days in Iraq last week, shooting footage that will appear in upcoming Daily Show segments.

And because I'm such a fan of numbers, I've created a poll for y'all:

Besides poking fun at religion in past blogs (and the obvious tattoo), I really don't speak much about my atheism. Or agnosticism. Or whatever you want to call it.

I don't believe in God, plain and simple. I don't claim to know that for a fact; I've just yet to be presented with any evidence that he (or she or it) is real. I've yet to feel that presence that so many others recognize as proof that there is something "greater" out there. Either that part of my brain or heart is shut off, or the vacancy and absurdity I've come to accept is just the way things are.

I used to be religious. There's an old blog archived from last year on my Buzznet that kind of touches on what happened to me. Read it if you like.

So when it comes to religion (specifically that of the Christian variety), I like to keep my sense of humor on the tip of my tongue. The best way to deal with the trauma of religious rejection is to laugh, right?

This morning, thanks to the wonderful General JC Christian, I found this gem of a video:


Well, that's a doozy, isn't it? I mean, it's been years since I felt the touch of God on my soul. He just seems so...antiquated. Old. Ancient. How could I possibly believe in a God who's just so...uncool?

But watching this video, I realized the flaw in my thoughts: God is cool! God is right there, hanging out with me and my peeps, throwin' signs and droppin' some knowledge on all of us. Shit, son! You best recognize!

That hurt to type. I won't do that again.

This, of course, led me to one of the more joyous discoveries of the interwebz: GodTube.

• Mission Statement

  GodTube utilizes Web based technology to connect Christians for the purpose of encouraging and advancing the Gospel worldwide.

Well, isn't that cute! But you know what's cuter?

I am in love.

So, after my initial excitement is calmed, I begin my search. It isn't long before I come across this:


It takes a moment to understand. Not fully understand, as I find that impossible at this point, but the general idea is:

I) A church member is upset because the new pastor at his church is making a lot of changes.
II) In retaliation, the pastor unleashes Trunk Deacon (who is the same person, it appears).
III) Trunk Deacon beats the shit out of the church member with his cane.

Refresh my memory, but aren't you supposed to love thy neighbor? Oh well. I guess blasphemy is just as funny to Christians as it is to me.

Moving on. This next one (also a featured video) makes my head hurt:


It took about 5 seconds for me to wish I had not clicked on this video, which sounds like a cheap, Christian rip off of Lil' Jon. Oh wait. It is.

But let's examine the lyrics:

"When he rolls up his sleeves, he ain't just puttin' on the ritz."

What the fuck does that mean? God has sleeves? What kind of clothes is Jesus wearing? How would you possibly know that? Also, what is going on in the background? Is it some bizarre knock-off of Qbert?

I'm not going to quote the lyrics to the bridge and chorus. Mainly because the animation turns into Nausea 2.0. Why oh why do you spin the screen around that? I was already ready to puke from the mindless propaganda, but this is just too much.

I've decided to move on. This is terrible. There are a TON of sermons on video and clips of kids reading Bible passages. Nothing stands out to me yet.

Oh man. I found a good one. Titled, "U2 BONO POP AND ROCK STARS SOLD HIS SOUL FOR ROCK AND ROLL." Excellent. Bono is totally Satan, so this shouldn't be too bad.

Well, this is exactly what I expected. ZOMG BONO IS EVIL. ZOMG LOOK IT IS SATAN. ZOMG END OF THE WORLD.

Well, he's right, just for all the wrong reasons. Bono is Satan incarnate because he's a hypocritical tax evader who tricks the public into thinking he actually cares about striking social issues.

This is boring. Moving on again.

Hmm. I can't move on. The site has died. Does God know I'm poking fun at his followers? This is entirely possible.

OH WAIT. I FOUND A VIDEO CALLED, "BABY GOT BOOK." I hope the video delivers, because the name alone is golden.

And I leave you with that, Buzznet. That is precisely why I can't take God seriously. Why would he allow such evil to exist?

The Humane Society in Atlanta is using donated Michael Vick paraphernalia as chew toys and blankets in their shelter. How appropriate!

My only hope is that Michael Vick, who will plead guilty in the case against him, is somehow attacked by ghost pitbulls in his sleep. That would be awesome.

So, since we know that he's going to jail, I'm going to repost last week's poll:

But I'll get to that in a second.

Last Friday, I was pretty stoked all day. I got to interview Blaqk Audio, accompany them to their signing at the West Hollywood Best Buy, see some friends I haven't seen in ages, and eat tons of delicious food.

The interview and footage from the signing will be posted later this week, but I wanted to give you a bit of a preview of what's to come. (Also, I need to gush about Mathieu Young; his photography is fantastic. www.mathieuyoung.com)







To see more photos of the night:
Fan Gallery
Blaqk Audio Page

Getting to interview two of the guys responsible for some of the most resonant and meaningful music I've ever heard was a surreal experience. But that goes without saying, I suppose. I spoke with Jade and Davey for over 40 minutes about a wide range of topics, from the Blaqk Audio live show, to Nine Inch Nails, to the inevitable ugliness of tube socks. Good times? Most definitely.

But the highlight of the whole night? This kid:

And because sometimes, you need more than a thousand words to describe what's going on, I filmed him. Enjoy.

I'm stoked to tell you that I'll be conducting my interview with Davey and Jade later this afternoon. Following the interview, Buzznet will also film the signing and the fans who have shown up to meet the guys and get their copy of CexCells signed.

I pulled 15 questions from the ones that were submitted to me, so the bulk of the interview comes from you guys. (Bravo for actually thinking of great questions to ask!) You'll have to wait until the video is posted (hopefully by Monday) to see if your question made it. And I will not accept bribes! Do not try to corrupt me!

Anyway, we haven't had any proper polls about the album and I'm intrigued to find out how you feel about it. SO VOTE AND CRITICIZE AWAY.

Which is, in essence, their own employers. This is so awesome.


What to do, Jon Stewart. What to do????

Viacom's suit against YouTube is charging that they've violated copyright and are making profit off of Viacom's assets. (Specifically, in this case, the many Daily Show and Colbert Report videos that are so highly viewed on the site.)

• YouTube says it needs depositions from more than 30 people to fight legal challenges that "threaten to silence communications by hundreds of millions of people across the globe who exchange information, news and entertainment" through its Web site.

  YouTube, owned by Google Inc., said it plans to show that it respects the importance of intellectual property rights by proving it goes well beyond what is required under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act.

  That law gives service providers protection from copyright lawsuits as long as they comply with requests to remove unauthorized material — something YouTube says it does.

  The company said it also intends to show that the plaintiffs themselves had put their own works on YouTube or permitted others to do the same.

Come on, Stewart and Colbert! Stand up to the beast that is Viacom!

There's a question mark at the end of that headline because...wow. This is such an odd story to read. (And I think it's rapidly approaching the record number of comments on a news item over at PunkNews.)

At this point, it's getting really hard to decipher exactly what happened, but I'll try to do my best:

Tom Gabel, singer of Against Me!, is in Tallahassee, Florida. He walks into a local coffee shop with his girlfriend and sees an article about their upcoming show tacked to a bulletin board. Someone had drawn McDonalds and other corporate logos on it; angered, he tore it down.

Jared Smith, a local regular, confronted Tom. He apparently wasn't too keen on seeing him tear down the article. Tom then knocked the cup of coffee out Jared's hand and....

Well, some sources say he slammed Jared's head into the table. Others say he just pushed it into it. And then, apparently some unrelated third party put Tom Gabel in a headlock.

I just don't get any of these. None of it makes sense to me.

Oh well. Atleast we get this sweet picture out of it:

Buzznet's makeover has arrived! (As I'm sure you've all noticed.) Being the web geek that I am, I feel that many of you haven't noticed ALL the changes we've made besides the obvious: the control panel, the front page, etc.

So allow me to nerd out, because you may actually discover all the rad parts of the site that weren't there before!

The Front Page



Besides the obvious visual difference, we've shifted the main focus away from Handpicked News to featuring member media. That's a fancy way of saying, "STUFF YOU UPLOAD." I mean, really, news and pop culture and music is great and all, but....that's totally not better than YOU. Really now.

The Sidebar Menu



Smaller than it was before and neater. But where did the "My Friends" stream go???

Easy. Click the tab titled, "My Friends," and this will pop up:

In addition, you can access your posting options and your Settings by clicking on "Upload And Post" and "Settings," respectively.



The Bottom Menu Bar



Why do I like this? Much easier to navigate. Much cleaner. But most importantly, I'm stoked for everything under "Cool Stuff." Let's investigate!

Developers



For those who aren't technologically inclined, we've allowed developers to create new and interesting applications that use the Buzznet platform. Visit the page and check out the sweet programs that allow you to do such actions as: Upload videos SIMULTANEOUSLY to Buzznet AND YouTube; pass your personal information to other users in a more protected and private manner; make better slideshows!!!

Make Stuff



This has actually been around for a while; why no one takes advantage of it is beyond me.

You can essentially print out all your Buzznet photos (or a specific gallery) as a book, calendar, stickers, poster, or a set of postcards. It's insanely inexpensive. Like....two weeks allowance. (I JEST.) Check it out!

Mobile



OH LORDY THIS IS SO AWESOME.

If you can't get enough of Buzznet and you want to access the site on the go, we've built a mobile version of the site. You can upload videos. You can post journals. Read messages and comments. Email photos to your profile. IT. IS. AWESOME.

Widgets



Isn't widget a fun word? (Not only because it rhymes with "midget.")

A widget allows you to show off your Buzznet on other sites. You can display feeds of your photos, journals, and videos elsewhere on the net. If you're into promoting yourself, it's incredibly easy and aestheticly pleasing. Use it on your MySpace, as a signature on a message board, or...well, wherever you please!

Promote



This is actually a new feature we added with the redesign. You can now help us promote bands or Buzzmakers that are on Buzznet! Obviously, this will be expanded more as bands continue to use our site and as our Buzzmakers program grows as well. (More on that later.)

Buzznet Help Page




Ah, my baby! This was my specific project for the redesign, since I have a vested interest in it. (You know, since I'm the main go-to guy for all things Support!)

We merged the FAQs and the help forum onto the same page. The top 10 FAQs appear on the top half and the forum is below. But the most awesome part?


I DID ALL THAT!!!

(Well, Steve actually helped at the end to reformat some of it.)

But I reorganized the FAQs to be more readable. And to include what was missing. And to break it up by subject!!!!!

Ok. Calming down....

Site Map


The link can be found at the bottom of any page. Now you can see how large Buzznet really is with our brand new Site Map! It links to all the pages you can browse through, besides specific tags, profiles, or groups.

Buzznet Groups



Located as a tab on the Community Page, we know have an entire page devoted to the groups on Buzznet. This is a new addition to the site and a much-needed one! The front page of Groups will showcase our most popular groups, but you can browse through to find a community you'd like to be a part of. (And, of course, you can always make your own!)

Polls



Just like groups, we made a home for our polls as well! This can also be found on the Community Page.

Forums



And there is a Forums Page! Because there's simply nothing more entertaining than a good thread. (Also found on the Community Page, in case you're keeping score.)

Buzznet Live



This is actually one of my favorite parts of the site. It's kind of mesmerizing.

www.buzznet.com/live

Go there. Watch the stream of comments come in. You can also change what you're watching here:

Seriously. Try it out. It's kind of soothing.

Buzznet Badges


Oh, they are so cute.

Badges will be rolled out into full force in the coming weeks, but you'll soon be able to earn these little badges as a sign of your dedication to the Buzznet Community. This isn't even all of them we've developed, but I won't say too much more. It's kind of a secret. SHHHH. But I assure you, it will rule.

To read up on the badges, go here.

Well, that's all I've got! As you can see, our first phase of the Buzznet redesign was actually quite large. We've added so many new features to make this place fun, informative, and easy to use. Plus, it's just so goshdarn cute. And stuff.

As always, you can talk to me if you have any questions, concerns, complaints, moral offenses, or life-altering predicaments.

Thank you.

You joined our good President's cabinet 7 years ago. You were ruthless, manipulative, and committed to bringing your brand of insider douchebaggery to the nation. You most certainly succeeded in all aspects:

• You were the main force behind the election of George W. Bush. You first sold Karl Rove + Co. (a clever name), as required by Bush when you had agreed to help him win the 2000 election. In that election, it's been rumored that you were responsible for the blatantly racist electoral phone calls against John McCain in South Carolina. (They asked people, "Would you be more likely or less likely to vote for John McCain for president if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?" Most excellent.)

You'll deny it for life, but I think we all know your brand of work.

• You formed and were involved in the White House Iraq Group. You helped the administration and the media associate Saddam Hussein as a threat to the United States, legitimizing the war that would soon begin. Irregardless of actual reality, you sought to start a war with another country. Excellent.

But most importantly:

• Joseph Wilson writes a NY Times Editorial criticizing American involvement in the Iraq War. (Specifically, Wilson attacked Bush's justification of the war.) It's become blatantly obvious (though unfortunately not officially confirmed) that you were responsible for outing Wilson's wife, Valerie Plame, as an undercover CIA operative. You still haven't been held responsible for this.

In short, you have gotten away with everything you've done. Your relationship with Daddy Bush has been nothing but kittens and flowers:


But with the news today that you'll be resigning, I have to wonder about your relationship. Has it really been all puppies and unicorns?

You're resigning because you'd like to spend more time with your family.

Really? It's not because your prediction that the Republicans would win The House and The Senate in the 2006 Congressional Election was wrong?

It's not because you illegally sent e-mails on third party servers, in direct violation of Presidential Records Act?

It's not because your orchestration of the firing of "non-loyal" US Attorneys has spiraled into disaster?

You know what? To me, this looks like you've finally come to the realization that our American government is pretty....well, for lack of a better word....fucked. And you want out.


This ship is sinking, Karl Rove. I sure hope you brought your life preserver.

Of homosexuals.

My first thought, after the fury settled down, was, "Wait. Is homosexuality an ethnicity?"

It is most definitely not. Still doesn't make me feel better about Giancarlo Gentilini's thoughts on gays.

Good morning (or afternoon), Buzznet. Meet Jasmine Willis.


She's 17 and she's got a pretty sweet job working at her parents' sandwich shop in Stanley, County Durham. (England, for those who are geographically challenged.)

Jasmine Willis just got out of the emergency room. It's never fun to go there, so I'm not poking fun at life-threatening emergencies.

Wait. Yes I am. Because Jasmine Willis was taken to the emergency room for overdosing on caffeine after drinking seven double expressos.

I'll repeat that.

JASMINE WILLIS DRANK SEVEN DOUBLE EXPRESSOS AND SOMEHOW THOUGHT THAT HER BODY WOULD TOTALLY BE FINE WITH IT.

Have you ever had a sip of a regular expresso?
Have you ever had caffeine?
Do you actually think about what you consume?

Apparently, Jasmine Willis has never done any of the above.

Here's to hoping she makes an honorary appearance in the Darwin Awards.

CexCells is released this upcoming Tuesday, after what has seemed like an eternity of planning and endless "updates." The following day, I'll be sitting down with the masterminds behind Blaqk Audio to film a video interview with them! (Oh yes, I am stoked.)


I enjoy doing interviews, but I think this one would turn out even better if I had some help from Blaqk Audio fans.

So here's the deal!

1) If you have a question you'd like me to ask Blaqk Audio, write a journal with your question.
2) Leave a comment here with the link to it.
3) Browse about the various questions! If you find any you like or want to know the answer to, BUZZ IT. I'll ask Blaqk Audio the most BUZZED questions!

Now, I don't want this to turn into another "OMG SCENE" contest. Please DO NOT spam other people. Make Bulletins about your question! Be nice and Buzz other good questions. I'd rather this be a fun little community experiment than an anti-social nightmare.

EXCELLENT. Now ask some GREAT questions! Your user name and question may appear in the interview!

To earn $4,000,000.

Lofty goal, I know. It's a lot of money. Certainly enough to live a full and complete life, no?

But I'm an ambitious and over-achieving bastard. I don't settle for what's considered satisfying. I need more.

Travel the world? Overrated. Seek enlightenment? That's for hippies. Save whales? Run a nation? Petty pedestrian nonsense.

You know what I want?

To live in a giant, circular pod up in space for three days.

Let's discuss how this entire article reads like an edition of The Onion, shall we?

• ...the space hotel will be the most expensive in the galaxy, costing $4 million for a three-day stay.

  During that time guests would see the sun rise 15 times a day and use Velcro suits to crawl around their pod rooms by sticking themselves to the walls like Spiderman.

KJLFKHLJ;AS90823980432ASDFKL2#$#^$.

That image ALONE is enough to bring me to tears. Can you imagine having to wear a giant suit made of velcro all goddamn day? And leaping from wall to wall? It reminds me of that show on Nickelodeon many eons ago. Wild and Crazy Kids. I'm sure they already had a version of that on the show once. (PS: One of the hosts name was Donnie Jeffcoat. Worst name ever, Y/N?)

Ok, enough indulging that tangent. Moving on....

• "It's the bathrooms in zero gravity that are the biggest challenge," says Claramunt. "How to accommodate the more intimate activities of the guests is not easy."

  But they may have solved the issue of how to take a shower in weightlessness -- the guests will enter a spa room in which bubbles of water will float around.

GUYS. THE PEOPLE DESIGNING THIS ARE ACTUALLY SERIOUS.

My favorite part:

• When guests are not admiring the view from their portholes they will take part in scientific experiments on space travel.

Ha! Seriously? If I'm paying roughly $1.3 million a night for a hotel room, you'd best believe I am NOT doing any of your work.

Xavier Claramunt, the director of the company designing and building this beast, explained more about the cost of the room:

• "We have calculated that there are 40,000 people in the world who could afford to stay at the hotel. Whether they will want to spend money on going into space, we just don't know." Galactic Suite said the price included not only three nights in space. Guests also get eight weeks of intensive training at a James Bond-style space camp on a tropical island.

ohmylord. They're serious about this. But is it really necessary to both name drop James Bond and reference a tropical island? It's like saying, "HEY, EVERYONE WHO CAN'T AFFORD THIS (which is 99.99999999% of everyone in all existence), WE HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY:

And most of the presales have already occurred!

Davey and Jade's highly anticipated side project is spending time on the road right now to promote CexCells, which comes out in just 6 days. (Check out my gallery of photos from the time I spent at their west coast listening parties.)

But after only a couple weeks off, they'll be back on the road to perform as Blaqk Audio live!

August 30, 2007	San Francisco, CA	Popscene (SOLD OUT)
September 5, 2007	Atlanta, GA	The Loft
September 7, 2007	New York, NY	Grand Ballroom at the Manhattan
September 10, 2007	Boston, MA	The Roxy
September 11, 2007	Montreal, QUE	Le Studio
September 13, 2007	Toronto, ONT	Mod Club
September 16, 2007	Detroit, MI	St. Andrews Hall
September 17, 2007	Cleveland, OH	Agora Ballroom
September 18, 2007	Chicago, IL	Double Door
September 20, 2007	Lawrence, KS	Granada Theater
September 24, 2007	Salt Lake City, UT	In The Venue
September 26, 2007	San Diego, CA	House Of Blues
September 27, 2007	Los Angeles, CA	The Mayan Theatre

We can only hope that Jade will rock a keytar.

I am blatantly stealing this from The Disgruntled Chemist because I only lurk his blog and I know that no one will ever comment me from that site and include me in the game. Bitter, much? Maybe. But I'm including Buzznet in this and it's going to be a blast.

Here are the rules:

1) Only list 8 facts.
2) You must then list 8 TAGS at the end of the post. This means you must name 8 people on Buzznet who now must do the same blog.
3) Go comment on their profile and tell them to come read yours! I want participation.

I know this is borderline chainmail, which is incredibly out of character for me, but I'm actually interested to learn more about y'all. And not in some ambiguous way; I'll actually read them.

So here goes:

1) I am mortified of bridges that span over a body of water. I've always been told this was an irrational fear, and the truth is that it totally and completely is. I've never had any personal experience with water and bridges, yet I've had reoccurring dreams of plunging off a bridge into water.

But it's not like that happens ever, right?

Oh. Right. Sadfaces abound.

2) I'm borderline obsessive-compulsive, but only selectively. I keep my nails trimmed at all times and have probably purchased over 100 nail clippers in my life because I forgot to bring mine with me. I become incredibly stressed and bothered if there's dirt under them or...well, if they're even long enough to have dirt under them. This also branches off into alphabetization of my vinyl records (first in alphabetical order, then by release date), a complete (and fantatical) organization of all the files on my iPod, and only turning up or down volumes in sets of 5 (if they're numbered).

But then my desk can be messy. Or sometimes, if I'm in a rush, I'll just leave clothes on my couch or something. Why can't I be OCD about everything???

3) When I listen to music, no matter what it is, I tend to imagine myself performing that song. Apparently, my mind hasn't matured since I was 12 and wanted so desperately to be Kirk Hammett.

4) I surf the internet in a VERY specific order and it doesn't matter where I am. I'll do it in that exact way: Buzznet, Gmail, AFI Board, TheBoreds, WaMu (my checking account). After that, it's fair game for anything.

5) I have a fairly offensive sense of humor. As I think I've made pretty blatant over the past year or so, I use humor as a coping mechanism. It's a way for me to neutralize the world around me. If I can laugh at it, then maybe I'm ok.

6) I detest dry sandwiches and overload all bread food items with exhorbitant servings of condiments. PB&J, vegan clubs, burgers, etc. I think it grosses out everyone who eats with me.

7) I write about everyone in my life. Probably 90% of the people I meet. I have about 10 notebooks hidden at my house with musings about different people. They'll become characters in a novel someday. I plan on transcribing them soon, but that seems like a daunting task.

8) I still naively believe I can change the world.

And this is who I tag:

Funksteena, xris, lexidiem, huldaholm, undead4gerard, paxgitmo, breesays, happyhobo

Each of you must tag 8 more people and you can't tag someone who has already done one. Make a friend!

Blogging again? Why yes, I would love to!

And there really couldn't be a better story to start this off with than this little tidbit out of Bangkok, Thailand:

Police officers caught breaking the law, no matter how small, will be forced to wear Hello Kitty armbands as a sign of shame.


....................................

The worst part of the article?

• Police officers caught littering, parking in a prohibited area, or arriving late — among other misdemeanors — will be forced to stay in the division office and wear the armband all day, said Police Col. Pongpat Chayaphan. The officers won't wear the armband in public.

WHAT. NO FAIR. WAY TO TAKE ALL THE FUN OUT OF IT.

After watching Nick Cave videos and fooling around with her mini-Italian greyhound (Reno Nasrallah), we headed down to Emeryville for the Blaqk Audio listening party. The event was held on the campus of what appeared to be a fairly new trade university. (a sign congratulating the school’s first set of graduates tipped us off) called the Ex’pression Digital Arts College. (Yes, that apostrophe is intentional AND unnecessary at the same time.)

About 30 kids milled about the lobby, waiting to meet the band and listen to the new album. Talia and I were waiting for Smith to arrive so we could go in with the band. I paced the parking lot a few times, since I was unsure how this event would go exactly. (There was no “list” besides the radio winners and, in my state of cynical paranoia, I feared I wouldn’t have access.)

But it’s Smith and he’s always on top of his shit. He let us in the side entrance with the band and a incredibly nice gal by the name of Kimberlie escorted us into the main room. I was immediately taken aback (and disoriented) by how frighteningly dark the room was. Not only did my eyes fail to adjust for over ten minutes, but, when they did, I could only see the silhouettes of other people, seated, listening to the dance beats and the melodic lines from Davey. I will say this, though: The sound in that room was incredible.

The band came out after 7 songs and sat on the stage to begin an interview / Q & A session with one of the main DJs over at Live 105. (On a necessary sidenote, he was a fantastic interviewer, both in his intelligence and his ability to ask 75% of the same questions I had planned to ask them.)


Jade and Davey were in particular good spirits, friendly answering questions about the album, the writing process, the upcoming Blaqk Audio tour, and possible new material from both BA and AFI.

As the past two listening parties had been, this was an incredibly personal, intimate, and informal event. As I will continue to say, I’m immensely impressed with this “tour” and how it’s set-up and run. To be frank, there isn’t a single group of musicians I’ve ever seen do this for their fans or to promote a record. Small rooms, small crowds, and actions that blur the line between fan and band.

I shot photos and videos of most of the Q & A and signing. I spent some time talking to Smith, who informed me that my hotel for Seattle (which is right near the airport) is going to be incredibly frustrating for me because the airport is almost 40 miles outside of town. Excellent.

After Jade and Davey signed the Ex’pressions wall near the lobby, I spoke with Davey about what we both know best: vegan food. I’m not going to be at a lot of the Midwest listening party dates and I was informed that this is probably a good thing, as most of those cities don’t have anything accommodating to hippies like me. But, as we gushed over how ridiculously delicious the schwarma is at Herbivore, Davey let me know that I’m going to have a heart attack in Seattle from all the wonderful food options.


We bid our farewells as Talia and I headed back to the city. Her wireless was malfunctioning, so I spent just over an hour drinking kiwi pear green tea at a local coffee shop off of Shattuck while uploading some pictures from the event. Besides being floored by how delicious the tea was, I was most impressed by the sheer number of people using Macs. One day, we’ll take over the world.

We caught a showing of The Simpsons Movie just before 10 (GO SEE IT) and I spent the rest of the night editing my first tour movie in iMovie. I passed out around 1:30am on Talia’s most comfortable (yet hideously colored) couch. I awoke to find Reno sleeping in my lap, buried under the comforter. I wanted a dog so badly at that moment, but, knowing I’ll probably be on the road even more in the future, I figured that cuddling with other people’s dogs was all right for the time being.

2 vegan donuts, a cup of coffee, a BART ride, and an Amtrak ticket later, I’m on a train to Sacramento. Tonight’s event is in a weird part of town, nowhere near the train station, but hopefully, once I’ve found wireless, I’ll have discovered a public transportation system that will get me to the next Blaqk Audio party.

Getting back to Berkeley tonight? Not sure how it’s going to happen, but that’s the excitement of this. Uncertainty has become my friend.

Every time I’ve been to the Bay Area in my life, I’ve always been a passenger in a car. Driving from Los Angeles up to San Francisco is usually full of mixtapes, playlists, extended inside jokes, and long periods of a landscape that leaves something to be desired. That something is really anything; the stretches of open fields and barren streaks of brown and tan are mind-numbing. Staring out of the passenger window makes me feel nauseous on rides up to the Bay. It’s times like those that I wish I hadn’t been cursed with the inability to read in the car (without fear of car sickness, which is fun for no one.) A good book would at least pass the time quicker than the uninviting farmland of central California.

But this would be my first time flying to Northern California. From LAX, my plane would be landing at the Oakland International Airport. (Does Oakland really need an international airport? I can’t imagine people from outside the United States wanting to fly into Oakland. Ever.) My flight left at 1:00pm and would land just over an hour later.

This was a foreign concept to me: getting to the Bay in an hour. Not six? (Or nine, if you take Greyhound or Amtrak.) I quickly supported the idea of such a rapid transit method.

But yesterday, LAX was a total and complete nightmare. This is not to say that, at other times, the airport is a dream-filled oasis full of vegan cupcakes and gorgeous man servants who are ready to do my every bidding. LAX is a pit of frustration and absurdity, from the epic lines that stretch far out the front doors to the security process that is akin to molestation to the overtly-terrible shops, restaurants, and passengers who plague your sight. And for such a cosmopolitan, worldly airport, is it really that hard to offer just ONE menu item in the whole building that’s vegan friendly?

But I digress. I’m the one with the difficult dietary choice. So I sat on the floor, amidst the hustle of passengers scurrying to their gates, of children whining to their parents decisively about dying batteries, of a suit-bearing businessman who resembled John Lovitz berating some poor soul on his Blackberry for not hitting on the secretary. (Really.) My iPod playlist was on shuffle and Ted Leo was singing to me about Mia and her eating disorders. A moment of calm in the eye of a storm.

I was pulling wireless from some poor sap who didn’t encode his with a password. (It’s a cutthroat world with wireless internet.) I browsed Buzznet, re-edited my Comic-Con wrap up to be more comprehensive as to what I actually captured, paid my T-Mobile bill, and downloaded the new Himsa record. Multi-tasking in an airport. How fitting.

I lined up with the other seemingly disinterested passengers at Gate 13 so that I could board with enough time to grab a decent window seat. The man in front of me had two gigantic bags, one with a white hardhat covered in black grease hanging from the side. His face was worn with exhaustion; stubbled cheeks, a scowl on the eyes, pepper grey hair buzzed short, and dirt under the nails. He stood with one hand in his right pocket, slumped to the side, staring out the gate window at a plane that was pulling into the gate next door.  Sitting in the seat directly next to us, a large woman wearing a matching sweatsuit gabbed excessively into a cellphone about how terrible her flight was going to be. “I hate the Bay Area,” she whined. She brushed her auburn curls out of her face and reached into a plastic bag resting on the floor. She pulled out a few cookies with the one hand and ate them with a machine-like precision, all while continuing her conversation. “I just don’t understand why it’s so cold up there. I hate having to buy a jacket every time I go there.”

Pause. Shove, chew, swallow.

“So what if it’s next to the ocean? It’s warm down here next to the ocean.”

Pause. Shove, chew, swallow.

“It’s not that far north. It’s like the goddamn arctic up there.”

Pause. Shove, chew, swallow.

“It’s not my fault he wants me to come visit him. God, he can be so demanding sometimes.”

Pause. Reach.

“Four months.” Pause. “Yeah, I know that’s a long time.” Pause. “Yes, he paid for it all.” Shove. With a mouthful: “As long as I can keep getting him to buy shit for me, I’ll keep pretending I care.”

Shove shove shove shove.

“You’re just jealous that I found my rich man.”

The man in front of me looks at me. His scowl disappears for a second as he whispers, “Someone is paying for that?” I smile as he turns back to scowling, to staring out at the runway.

I block out Large Woman by drowning her out with Refused. My flight is called for boarding and soon I’m walking into the plane. It’s fairly empty, as I had gotten a good spot in line. In my euphoria, I somehow reasoned that it would be best if I grabbed a seat towards the rear of the plane. This would prove to be a poor choice later.

I sat at a window seat about 5 rows from the back of the plane. The rest of the plane boarded as I leafed through Sky Mall, wondering who on Earth would ever buy The World’s Largest Crossword Puzzle.  But the smiling, sweater-clad model in the accompanying photo assured me that indeed, there were thousands (if not millions) of fellow crossword enthusiasts who, in fact, would revel in the possibility of owning a crossword puzzle bigger than most human beings.

Thank you, Capitalism.


The flight took off without a hitch as we soared out over the Pacific Ocean. The freighters became smaller as the skippers and fishing boats became dots, flecks of sea foam on the ocean surface. As we turned back to head north, I gazed at the winding roads and mountain trails of the Santa Monica mountains. I suddenly craved to be running those trails instead of sitting next to a pseudo-twin of Bob Newhart, who was already snoring in my ear. Excellent.

I spaced out as I turned my iPod on and let Shuffle do its work. I didn’t try to sleep; instead, I let the landscape below me lull me into a mental slumber. My eyes wide, searching casually for a varied sight, I found that even thousands of feet into the air, California is pretty boring to look at.

We passed over mountain after mountain, most of it stained brown with drought and heat. Every once in a while, I caught a reservoir or a man-made lake; sometimes, an obviously out-of-place golf  range would slowly trudge by beneath me. My iPod landed on “Tales of a Scorched Earth” and, once again, music provided a more fitting commentary than I could ever hope to come up with.


Landing into Oakland is an unflattering example of man building wherever he damn well pleases: You fly low over the bay, just mere feet above crashing into the water that’s brown and olive green, and land on a strip of land that’s a basic complement in color. (I so desperately want to use the word “tawny” here, but Davesecretary holds exclusive rights to that word.) We sat on the runway for over 10 minutes, waiting for another plane to vacate our spot on the terminal. Bob Newhart continued to snore; he had fallen asleep just minutes after sitting down and now, even with the entire plane a flurry of anxious conversation and activity, he slept peacefully. I fought the urge to give him a wet willy for snoring in my ear for the last 75 minutes.

After exiting the plane and walking an eternity to the baggage claim area, I realized then how poorly built this place was. Only three baggage carousels for 14 flights that were waiting for their luggage. Absolutely genius.

40 minutes and a bag of pita chips later, I met my friend Talia outside. We drove up to Berkeley, where she lives, and made a much-desired pit stop at the new Berkeley chain of Herbivore, one of the mostly lovely vegan restaurants on the face of the planet. Did I consume my first chicken schwarma (with eggplant and potato) in over 6 years? Did I enjoy? Did I eat until I wanted to puke/?

I think you know the answer.

Wow, I need sleep.

5 days of pure chaos and excitement. I'm back in L.A. (though only for a short while) and Comic-Con Takeover was a success.

This was my first year to attend the convention and, as I made so blatantly obvious throughout my journals and videos, the entire experience was so overwhelming. The costumes, the people, the lines, the dedication, the passion: it was wonderful.

I took a few hundred photos to best document the event and I've organized them by subject to make it a bit easier for you to find what you want:

Costumes! Definitely one of the most fascinating elements of Comic-Con is the willingness of thousands of fans to go far above the call of duty and create some of the most detailed and ambitious costumes I've ever seen. (In it's own way, it's like Halloween. But inside.) So browse through this gallery, add captions (since most don't have any), make fun of nerds, express your amazement: it's all welcome.

SWWWAAGGGG! Michael Scott would be excited. I snapped shots of the merchandise, paraphernalia, and other bits of consumer fancy that is a main staple of Comic-Con.

Panels! Were you just as psyched as I was to hear the creators of LOST confuse us some more? Obsessed with Heroes and want to know how the second season will pan out? Or do you want to see what celebrities showed up for the festivities? These are shots of the various panels, screenings, and celebrities who I saw at Comic-Con. Includes Steve Carell, Duane "The Rock" Johnson, Kate Beckinsale, Rob Zombie, and more!

Toys! This is my favorite gallery: Using my Lumix macro lens, I shot a great deal of figurines, action figures, and toys that were exhibited at Comic-Con. I'm a big fan of action figures in general, so the geek inside of me was freaking out!

Comic-Con International 2007! General photos of the event!

Gerard Way Signing! Gerard Way and Gabriel Ba did a signing at the Dark Horse Comics booth to promote The Umbrella Academy, their joint comic book.

In addition, I captured some of the excitement (and chaos) on video in order to vicariously live through my experience:

My Arrival at Comic-Con
The Exhibition Hall
Friday Afternoon
Gerard Way Signing: Part I
Gerard Way Signing: Part II
Interview with Gerard Way Fans
Comic-Con Masquerade: Part I
Comic-Con Masquerade: Part II

And finally, if you were most stoked about the panel discussion and the many "secrets" revealed to attendees, here is the exclusive scoop from my LIVE BLOGS (All were written as the event was happening) and the two interviews I conducted.

LOST Season 4
Rob Zombie's Halloween and Stephen King's The Mist
Warner Bros. Screening
Paramount Pictures Screening
Interview with Brandon Molale, Part I
Interview with Brandon Molale, Part II
Interview with The Film Crew/Mystery Science Theatre 3000

360 days left until it starts all over again!