God, Please Save These Troubled States

(These polls are fun.) This is it. The most nerdy of all polls. Choose a side and fight to the death. Remember, choosing Star Wars will gain you more friends, notoriety in social circles, and a spring in your step.

"He/She seems so...sexy. What is it?" they will say as you walk by.

It's the assurance that you love Star Wars more than the wankfest that is Star Trek.

That's right. I'll fight.

Don't take this poll if you don't have a sense of humor.

Yeah, I'm serious. Atlanta Councilman C.T. Martin is trying to pass legislation to make visible undergarments of any kind illegal. Would you support this?

With the recent news that Atlanta Falcons' quarterback Michael Vick may have actually executed up to 8 dogs who "underperformed" in his pitbull fighting ring, his possible prison sentence may now actually be much longer than before.

How long do you think Michael Vick should be sent to prison for his role in the gruesome and cruel dogfighting ring he financed?

Recent news items (such as this one) are reporting that the next installment of the Jurassic Park series will have dinosaurs...with guns.

No. Really. Dinosaurs with guns.

Frederick held up a banner that said, "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" while the Olympic torch passed by his school. He was suspended.

Yesterday, while performing a routine "exhibition burnout," a Tennessee drag racer killed 6 people and injured 18 oothers. Should he face criminal charges?